I have a question..., regarding my 16 year old brother....

[Hillbilly Housewife]

He lives with my mom. He's a jerk. He forgets his house keys a lot, and the last time he forgot them, my mom was out, and she called me to tell me not to give him mine (they live 2 doors down) so that he could learn a lesson.

Well, he got into the house. He busted down the front door, the frame was completely busted.

He has made about 7 or 8 holes (punching or throwing something) in the walls in the basement (where his room is, by his choice)

He's taken my mom's car without permission, steals the keys from her purse, he doesn't have a license.

He smokes pot and drinks beer, ALL THE TIME. My mom has even been called by the school, to be told that the counsellor at the school thinks it would be a good idea to have him sent to a 2 week rehab clinic.

He mouths off to anyone and everyone, all the time. he has detentions almost every day, and at least 1 suspension a month from school.

He has had intimate relations, that's obvious, my mom has found a girls shirt and some condos in his room, before he moved it to the basement.....

She's at her wits end. I've told her to send him to live with my dad (which my brother hates and hasn't seen in like 5 years). I've suggested she send him to a boot camp of some sort. I've suggested she call the cops on him (when he stole the car the last time) and I've suggested she admit him to rehab.

She can't/won't do anything, and "I'm" running out of patience, because she always whines to me about it, like I'm supposed to be able to fix all her problems.

She's EVEN called me once to tell me that my brother was pitching a ift and throwing stuff around, and to call her back in 10 minutes just to make sure she was still ok.

I'm so tired of it.... I think that "I" will make the calls......but WHERE?

[~Roo'sMama~]

Hmm I don't know that doesn't sound like a fun situation. If she calls you again saying that he's throwing a fit and throwing stuff around you could call the police and have them go over there, otherwise I don't know what you can do. I don't know if you could have him admitted to a rehab place - your mom would probably have to be the one to do that since she has custody. I guess if I were you I'd tell your mom not to call you and bug you about this stuff unless she's willing to do something about it. You don't need that kind of stress!

[kimberley]

she needs to kick him out. if he can't/won't live by her rules under her roof... he needs to find a new one! she is only fascilitating the problem by giving in to him all the time. he knows her threats are empty and will never change if she doesn't. does she really want to live her golden years bailing out her 40yo son all the time? he is young enough now that he can still learn some responsibility and accountability. there is no other answer imo. good luck and keep us posted.

[texasp3]

Whoa... and to think I was getting pissy with my teenager last night because he kept flipping back to a TV show I told him not to watch. Actually, I told him not to watch it with his little brother in the room!

Your brother sounds a lot like a one of my cousin's sons. His behavior simply continued to escalate until he stole a car and drove halfway across the country. He was sixteen and picked up by the cops, high as a kite, and charged with grand theft auto. His parents finally had to take the hard line with him. When he was located and arrested for the car theft across state lines issue, his parents told him that if he wanted to come home, they would pay for a bus ticket and meet his bus but that they were taking him straight from the bus station to Arrow Head Camp. Arrow Head is a residential camp that's sort of your last chance before jail for teenage boys.

He chose to get on the bus and go to Arrow Head. I wish I could say it saved him but it only helped a little for a little while. I don't know exactly what's happening now, except that he's no longer a minor and keeps getting arrested.... I guess it's close to game over for him.

Anyway - I didn't write that to bum you out - but to say I do agree with you that something needs to be done. Someone has to step in and get your brother the help he's obviously needing and a lot of times Moms don't seem to be the ones who are able to do that. If your Mom can't or won't maybe you will have to... or maybe you can simply get in touch with a local resource that would be willing to be his advocate - and by that I mean straighten him out whether he wants it or not. You might start by calling your local city resources and just start asking questions - who helps kids like him?

I don't know... I guess I'm blessed to only know about this type of problem second hand.

[A&A'smommy]

okay sounds to me like he a little brat and needs his butt kicked out! Good luck with that I hope he grows up sometime!

[MommyToAshley]

Sounds to me like he needs some tough love. I agree with Sara, I would tell your Mom to stop talking to you about this unless she wants to do something. Your mother may not realize it, but I doubt things will get better as long as she enables him. If your Mother is willing to get tough for the sake of your brother, maybe the two of you can look into some sort of boot camp, counselor, rehab, etc. The police might even be able to recommend some sort of program. It sounds like he needs a lot of help and fast, I am just not sure where to start. But, I think if you call these places, then they can point you in the right direction. Good luck, I know it must be hard to see someone you love do these things to themselves and others.