Privacy issues- woman step inside please...

if it bothers you, you need to tell her, because it doesn't sounds like a control thing to me (although I could be wrong) I do those things for my husband too, I set up his fb account (he did ask though), I change his pictures on fb, and I even clean out his personal email and try to keep his junk mail gone because it drives him crazy. If he were to tell me that it bothers him I would stop and I would want to know WHY it bothers him because I do these things FOR him not to control him.
Also being a stay at home mom is REALLY hard sometimes, I know we all get into ruts but when you are a stay at home mom its hard to get out of them.
Talk to her!!!!

This post has been edited by A&A'smommy on Dec 2 2009, 08:33 AM

None of what I've said here is the first time that particular thing has happened. Each time I've told her this is a problem. I have NO problem getting my point across when I'm serious. She just assumes it doesn't matter, I guess.

In other words, she knows what is appropriate and what is not- in my eyes- about "my" stuff.

I would never think to throw any of her clothes away without at least asking.

To me, it's one of those things I don't think I should even bring up. Who does the things she does the way she does it?

In your (A&AMommy's) situation, you delete email because your husband hates it. You're doing him a favor. I've never even hinted for her to do any of the things she's done.

I will definitely talk to her again. I think we are going on a date this Thursday.

from everything you are saying, she seems to have little to no respect for you and that is a big deal. you have to get it through to her that your feelings matter too... even if it's about a pair of dirty work boots.

having a baby in your bed commonly leaves couples disconnected and since you rarely have a sitter or alone time, that makes it more of a roommate co-parent relationship than a marriage. you two need to connect alone and really hear each other and communicate. marriage conselling is a good place to start if all else fails.

hang in there.

You might consider talking on a night other than date night. That conversation sure could be a mood killer . That being said, I know how hard it is to actually HAVE a conversation with one's spouse so it might be your only option. I thought your analogy to clothing was a good one. Maybe if you could come up with linking her behavior in reverse (as if the shoes was on the other foot) to something she really cherishes she might see it differently.

I agree with this!!!!

I probaly have the worst record of relationships of anyone on here so I'm only gonna say this.
marriage counceling is a blessing.
I did couples counceling with my ex. We needed it to see that we were in fact not going to be able to overcome our issues.
It wasnt the outcome we wanted when we went in but the outcome was the reality of the situation. It was the best for both parties.
Plus its a great way to get everything in the open and created a "safe" ground to talk.
Hoping you can resolve your issues over a talk between you two though.
my dr said to us
*never use "you" it is an accusing word and to accuse creates animosity, always use "I". as in "I would like if we could work it out so the kids come to bed with me because it would mean alot to have you there by my side"
not sure if that is true and helps but it worked for us when we were trying to understand eachothers side.

Marriage counseling has crossed my mind more than once.

My opinion on counseling is that if the counselor tells you something you agree with, you think they are great. If they contradict you, then they are crackpots.

It takes two people who truly think something is wrong to openly accept a third parties opinion. My wife is very strong willed and, even if she agreed to go, I know she'd think it was all cr@p. She's even gone against the autism counselor's recommendations for our son when they've offered certain activities we could do at home when they weren't there.

"I" think her attitude is mostly affected by her hormones. For the last week, she has been great. But I know in a few days, it will get worse for the next couple of weeks.

So I've got about one good week a month where I think everything is good. Not great (that takes extra work by both people), but good.

I know this all sounds one-sided. For the record, I'm sure I have plenty I could do better.

actually my dr. and any good dr. will NOT take sides.
They arent there to solve the problem for you. they are there to ask questions to make you think and find the answers withen yourself and with your partner. There is no wrong or right side.
I'm stubborn as all heck too. It hurts me in alot of life aspects. It may take this harder but in the end if she wont budge now, she never will.

you seriously did not just say it's about hormones?! lol ur such a guy.
they may play a part but there are obviously deeper issues than that.

you are right, counselling won't work unless you both recognize there are problems to work out. both my husband and i are stubborn but it helps to have an impartial mediator to blow the whistle when lines are crossed and the conversation becomes counterproductive. we go to friends or family when things are hard and of course they take our side because they care about us and don't hear the other side. a counsellor will help you see things differently too.

I'd love to show your post to my husband. Here the same thing is happening but the other way around. I do not mind he reads my mails, sneaking into my FB and all stuff but when he starts reacting for that, it really makes me annoyed.

It is true, He shares his password with me because nobody mails him and he is kind of Grrrrr, I mean he is just like cartoon characters who reacts always as if somebody plucked his tail. Therefore, nobody bothers to mail him or stop to say hi.

But I have lots of friends in both gender. It makes him jealous and he says that I should leave all my friends as he did. When I refused to do so he started deleting my mails, mailing everybody saying I do not want them as my friends anymore. He does not even want me to put my original picture as DP.

I really value my friends. Most of them are supportive and helped me a lot when I was in difficulties. I feel so bad about my husband's behavior. I Wonder what to do with him and how to handle this situation.