Would like some input please, step parent question

This might sound dumb, but I hate, hate, hate introducing Nikka to people because I don't know what term to use. I hate calling her my stepdaughter, because I feel like we have a better thing going than what that implies. I hate saying "our daughter" because then people look confused and you can see them trying to put it together and she has said before she hates how people look at her like they're trying to figure out where she came from. (Her mom is Hispanic so she is a definite contrast to the other blonde haired/blue eyed kids) I hate saying "Jeff's daughter" because it sounds like I'm not claiming her

I don't really care what other people think, but for some reason nothing sounds right, like nothing does our relationship justice.

How do you introduce your step kids, or how do they refer to you?

I don't have stepchildren, but I was a stepchild. I preferred being called "stepdaughter" because that is who I was, even if I had a close relationship with my stepdad or stepom (I had both twice) . Being called someone's daughter (even now that I am married, I do not like my in laws to call me daughter) used to put me on guard. Yet, being referred to as "blank's daughter" also made me feel like I wasn't a part of the family and hurt my feelings.

Maybe you could ask Nikka's opinion and see what she would be comfortable with you addressing her as when you speak to others.

I am a step-daughter. My step-dad raised me practically from birth though and my real father was never there, so to me my step-dad is my Daddy and will always be my Daddy. He more than earned that title.

I have a blended family too. When I met Tim he had two daughters that he raised on his own and one son who lives with his (son's) mom in GA. I have two kids myself (boy and girl) and we have one baby girl together. Tim's girls mom is NO where in the picture so far as a Mom goes. She never has been except when it has benifited her. IMO she should NOT be a mom but I am thankful she was because I have two beautiful daughters thanks to her. The girls mom has four daughters that all live with their Dad's (3 different Dad's). She has done them all the same way: she calls and says she wants to see them but she can't come so the Dad has to take them to her. She suppsoed to keep them overnite but makes excuses to have them picked back up once they are there. She calls and says she's coming to visit then never shows up. She even avoids their calls. I'll never forget the first thing my Daughters said about their mother to me: "We love her but she lies. We can't trust her." I personally would never want my kids to think that about me.

To Tim's daughters I am Mommy. They call me that... it was their choice to do so. They tell me that I am the only woman who has ever actually been a Mom to them (Tim's second wife, his son's mom, did not want the girls, just Tim). I call them my daughters. I would never offend them by saying they are my step-daughters. They would think I don't love or want them if I did. My children call Tim Daddy. He calls them his son and daughter. The word step is never used in our home. They are our children, we are their parents. If we have to explain the situation we always say "no we are not their "real" father/mother but they are our kids" and we add that their "real" father/mother is not in their lives and they choose not to be. Our kids are fine with our explanations and they are much happier now, with this situation than they were in their past.

I learned from my own blended family (with my parents) that the word STEP is just that, a word. It's meaningless to describe a family. (I personally really HATE the word STEP-______) You either are or you are not a family and if you love a child and are a parent to that child then you are a family, making you a Mom or a Dad or a sister or a brother, not a step-person.

I no this doesn't always fit every family... it's just my beliefs on the whole situation. Hope it helps.

When my step mom introduces me she usually just says, "This is Naomi" and sometimes as an afterthought throws in, "Joe's daughter". I never really thought about how I was introduced but most people that know her know the situation and that I'm obviously not her daughter. But for you, you are both meeting new people that probably don't know.

What about saying, "this is OUR Nikka"? That way you don't have to give her the "step" label.

tough one a friend of mine she has 2 step daughters but calles them her kids, the mom is really not in the pictures and thats what they want to be called and have called her mom since they were really little. She is 14 right? ask her, and if she is okay with daughter maybe check with the mom, (if she is in the picture) if its ok. I kinda like the Our Nikka....sounds sweet

I like the "our Nikka" too, thanks Naomi!

I have asked her before, and she says she doesn't care. I think she feels a little bad for her mom if I say "this is our daughter" or "my daughter", they're very tight and I understand her not wanting to give any impression otherwise.

I am a step child too, but my dad was not around and my step dad IS my father...neither of us has ever introduced each other any other way. We don't make a distinction with the kids, they don't call her their half sister, I think that is why I hate the whole "step" word....even though it's technically true, it sounds unloving or un-something to me.

I meant to add that you should ask Nikka's opinion last nite. I think almost all kids feel a little guilty when they know they have a mom elsewhere but have to explain you are mom too. I know Rebekah and Chelsea do at times. I tell the girls all the time I do understand how they feel seeing as I too have two dads, like they have two moms. I always say that having an extra parent gives you extra love. I know Kelly (girls mom) loves her daughters and Dickie (my ex-husband) love Win and Emma... they just aren't the best parents and are selfish in the fact they put themselves before our kids. In a way it's not there fault, just who they are and I know my kids are blessed because they have Tim and I to love them too.

Hmmm, no help here. Ryan comes from a blended family and I have chosen to bring the kids up with no labels. Step Grandma is just Grandma. Same thing with Ryan's half brother/sister - they are just brother/sister and aunt/uncle. They know that they really are "half" and "step" but they are family and seems too complicated to use labels.

Thats how we are which I guess is why it sounds so weird to me.

Well DH has 2 sisters who are technically his half sisters, but I have never heard anyone refer to them that way - they are brother and sister. His dad passed away when he was a kid and his mom remarried, and they do refer to each other as stepfather and stepson. For our kids though, they only know him as Grandpa, and he of course loves them and treats them just like he would blood relatives.

I like Step Daughter

I have 3 step sisters and 2 stepbrothers, although one of them is passed away.

We don't refer to each other as that, or as anything, really.. it's my mom/dad's husband/wife's daughter/son.

We're not close.

We have interesting families Dh is from a his, hers, ours, and somebody elses and I have 1 'full', one half, and 2 step sisters. In Dh's family it was always "our kids" they were all brother/sister and no distinction was ever made.
In mine I dont really count my step sisters. I was 14, and they were in their 30's when our parents got married (though they had been together for a few years before that). I like them and we talk at family gatherings but it would never occur to me to call one of them just to say hi. My other two sisters are just that the world half has never entered my consciousness. AS for my parents. I will refer to my mom and step dad as my parents. and my dad is my dad. I will make the distinction of step dad only when the context is needed and he calls me his daughter unless there is context needed (then I am Barbara's youngest). For me step doesn't mean anything bad it's more of a when a distinction is needed kind of word.

My brother was always just my "brother", even though we had different dads.

I come from a Blended family. Both my parents had kids comming into their relationship and we are just brothers and sisters, not half or step. My parents also refer to the others children as their kids even though they are no longer married.

I would just tell them that Nikka is "our daughter from dh's previous relationship"...That way its a little of both without hurting her feelings or stepping on toes. You made sure to say that she is your daughter too, but she also has another mom.

Me too. You can always put your arm around her and throw an adjective in, "my wonderful step daughter.. " etc. So they get the point.

Ask Nikka how she wants you to introduce her to other people

I honestly can't remember how my step dad referred to me....(He died about 8 years ago)


But I HATE my step mom (its mutual) And I do distinctly remember a stranger referring to her as "your mom" and I replied in a very nasty teenage voice, "she is NOT my mother!"

But that's off topic and neither here nor there

I would just say and this is Nikka or the Our Nikka, I like that too.

I have two step brothers but they are my brothers. My dad (their step-day) has raised them since they were 1 and 2. They call my dad Dad and their biological dad Bill. I guess it is different for every situation.

Marcus says Step daughter Jenna and at times says daughter. Jenna says step daddy and sometimes daddy. Depending on the mood thier in i guess...LOL. He always calls her his daughter from his heart. He sees her as his own but knows she is his step child so he calls her his child of his heart. Whenever he is alone with her someplace or if the 3 of us are somewhere the cashier or who ever will say ask your mommy and daddy first.. and she will turn to marcus and say can i? So to her he is her daddy just like aron.

I have 2 step children. They really dont mind me using either. When I intoduce them to people I tell them we have been together long enough that I consider them mine. I have been with them since they were 3 and 5. So that helps some.

You are kinda stuck between a rock and a wall. When you use the term stpe to intorduce her you dont want her to feel like thats all she is to you and nothing more. So I know how you feel.

Dont worry about what others think. Just what she thinks about it and what she prefers you to say. Talk to her about it.

I know what you mean. I have been there. I always just say my step daughter. Our Tiffany. Something like that. If someone asks me how many kids I have I say 4.....his mine and ours. I think it's wonderful that you want something more special than step!