Words of wisdom

I'm in a sappy state of mind so if you could just humor me...


What in your opinion do you think are steps that should be taken to help a coupple to begin to create a happy marraige??

Talking and listening to each other. TRUST is my #1 factor is a relationship. If there is no trust then you dont have a relationship. But thats just me.

I would talk about the major issues that you might avoid in a casual conversation with friends before you get married -- religion, politics, and anything to do with kids and how you will raise them. Love is a powerful thing, but I would definitely discuss issues like, how many kids you want, how you plan to raise them, what religion, and anything else that might be a major factor in your life. I have a friend that got married only to find out later that her husband didn't want kids... and she wanted to be a stay at home Mom. That's a pretty big hurdle to get over once you are married.

The only other piece of advice I can give is don't assume he knows how you feel, even though he should, so be prepared to tell him exactly how you feel and what you want from the relationship. Don't bother dropping hints, guys just don't get that.

It sounds like you have a pretty good relationship already.

ITA with the others. I would also add to lay some ground rules for disagreements or arguments...they seem like they should go unspoken but I was amazed to find out after getting married that DH thought name calling was "normal" fight MO If you can agree in calmer times that at a certain point you agree to take a time out from the discussion, or set a rule that each party gets to talk uninterrupted, etc it goes a long way towards keeping things from getting out of hand.

I also liked something Dee Dee said the other day....some things you will never see eye to eye on so agree ahead of time to compromise, then nobody feels like they're always giving up their position but you arrive at something you can both live with.

respect. understanding that each person is an individual, with their own needs and feelings.

I am just going to repeart what my 80 year old aunt told me before i got married:

Don't do anything in the first year of marriage that you are not will to do for the rest of your life!



And my advice is COMMUNICATION - I haven't figured it out yet, but hope you can!

AND you can't change anyone - maybe just make subtle improvements!

This post has been edited by moped on Sep 7 2007, 06:36 AM

You guys already live together so a lot of my wisdom came from how he likes to use the toothpaste and what he likes to hang up ... LOL < i know crazy stuff. But we have had to resort to seperate toothpastes cause I can't STAND a squished tube ... and the whole what side of the bed thing ... URG ...

I guess ... COMPROMISE!!!!!! as well as Respect, and Understanding !!


Like DeeDee said, talk about hot button issues beforehand, how to raise your children, and such! I know Sal and I didn't and that was cause for a few arguments when Bella first arrived!!!

Committment and patience and the ability to accept that no one is perfect. Just some things that I learned.

Oh the toothpaste!!!! AH!

I also hate that he refuses to use a towel to dry off w/twice but expects me to wash them My compromise is that I hang them up after he leaves for work, and then I fold them up and put it back on the top of the pile in the bathroom so he unwittingly does use it twice! Muh ha ha ha!

Ok, seriously. I think the BIGGEST thing in my mind is (this is for when you live w/them, like I have for 5 years). If it's working when you're not married, DON'T expect anything more when you ARE married. I think the trap couples that live together first fall into is they expect more from their SO after marriage. Why? More to the point, why would you expect them to all of a sudden change? I KNOW he's not going to bend on most thing (he's German (like Lars right?) and SUPER stubborn).

I pick my battles, and we rarely fight. When he does something to tick me off I tell him point blank (calmly) what it was and why. USUALLY he sees why it ticked me off and trys not to do it again. (but he's a man, so you know ) Of course it DOES help that I get mad, tell it how it is, and then I'm happy go lucky again.

Communication, pick your battles, respect his feelings, don't act like you're his mother treat him like the equal he is.

ROFL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your Aunt is a wise woman.