Helping 15yr old sister-in-law, 15yr old sister dating a 22yr old

[SummerKisses079]

Ok I'm sorry this can be a little long, and I'm really looking for advice.

My 15yr old sister-in-law is dating a 22yr old man. They have been together almost 10mo now. So that would of made her bearly 15 when they started to date. Now they both lied to my mother in law about the age of this young man, and said that he was 18. Until on night she went out with him. He bought her beer, gave him some pain kills and put her behind the wheel of his truck. They got in a accident and she hit a tree, because she feel asleep at the wheel. They both was taken to the hospital and did find, but that is when my mother in law found out his real age.

Now my sister-in-law did everything to stick up for this guy, and my mother in law couldn't deal with in anymore. She forbid her to see him. At one point she even put her in juvinal just praying that would help her, and it really didn't. She came back out got put on house arrest, and then managed to snick this guy in and out of her window and night. Until my mother in law saw him doing it. Now she mother in law went to the police, and they said they couldn't do anything about it because her daughter was denying anything that happen.

So just a few weeks ago they went to court, and she had 3 felonys on her, because she took the blame for everything, buying the beer, the pills, and driving behind the wheel. She got probation, and my mother in law gave custody to her ex husband. Thinking if she moved her an hour and half away from this guy. That they wouldn't hang out as much.

Now her father was ok with this guy and was going to give him a chance. At one point saying that he would sign to let her marry him. So one weekend my husband and I decided we would go get her for the weekend because she wanted to stay the night with us. So we agreed on this. She was on the phone all night with this guy every 5mins. They would hang up and then call each other right back.
She gave me the phone at one point and told me to tell him I would have any other guys at my house. I got on the phone and told him no one was going to be here it was just us. So a few hours I have a friend come over. He is also 22yrs old and I've been friends with him for many years, her boyfriend calls and throws a fit because I have a guy over my house. I think I'm allowed to have anyone I want over my house. How the heck is he going to tell me I'm not allowed to have people over my house. So he gets mad breaks up with her, and says she is cheating on him. First off she is 15 my friend is not going to sleep with her. He has recept for himself, me and my husband, and for her she is only a child. So we just kind of let it pass. So she begs my husband to go pick him up because his car is broke down.
First of I don't know the guy, and they say they are so much in love, and I know what its to be like in love with someone, that no one will give a chance to. So I decided I was going to give this guy a chance. I set strick rules before he came her. I was going on the rules her father told us. He could come over. They wasn't allowed to go any where together. No sleeping together, and no going in the bedroom alone. My husband told her this before we left to pick him up. Oh how we really got messed over. They did everything we told them not to. I stuck to my ground, and they didn't listen. (Its really hard to tell someone what to do and be a parent when she boyfriend is older then my boyfriend, and only 3yrs younger them me.)
Well we decided that it WOULD NEVER happen again. He would never be allowed over here or anything.
So we find out that this guy. Won't let her do anything. He is controlling her every move. I'm really worried about her. She thinks she is in love, but you know how guys can be, and I'm sure he is just telling her what she wants to hear.

She was suppost to get a job mowing the grass at her uncles house, her aunt told her she could wear her swimming suit to get a tan. Her boyfriend flipped out and was like "Who is going to be there?" "Is there any guys going to be there?" He went on and on in front of her Aunt, and she decided that she wasn't going to let her do it because he was flipping out so bad.

When we picked her up that weekend she was on the phone with him again. He told her that she had 30mins to get home and that she had to call him as soon as she got home. Well he wasn't going to tell me and my husband when we are going to leave some where. He don't put the gas in our truck to tell us what to do. So we got to talking with his aunt, and stuff, and time kind of slipped by. Once she knew it was 30mins she had to go in there and call him just to tell him that she hasn't left yet.

Last weekend she end up sneaking off with him for the weekend, and getting busted because me and my husband said we wasn't going to lie for her. She made her bed now let her sleep in it. We really didn't know where she was and was really worried about her, because she just kind of left with this guy, and didn't tell anyone. We end up telling her Grandma (the one she stays with) where she was. Which got back to her father, and everyone else.

Now the problem is I'm really worried about her. I'm scared this guy is getting to controlling, and obsessed with her. I don't know what I can tell her to make her see it, because when you think you are in love you are blinded by everything. I know this guy has a past of hitting, beating his ex girlfriends. So we found out threw his cousin. I'm just scared that made he will try to hurt her. I've try to talk to her and say what I think, but she won't listen, but I don't want to let her go on and get hurt. I love the girl to death, and she is 15yrs old. She shouldn't be no where near a 22yr old guy. The guy don't have no repect with her family, because if he did he would just leave her alone. My husband and I try to think of ways we could get them to go their own ways. Since apperently the law just aint doing it. Since he does have a peace bond against him.
What should be and my husband do? We love her and just really don't want to see her hurt emotionally or phsyically?

Sorry this is so long just running our of idea's on what to do.
Thanks for the advice ahead of time..

[kimberley]

your sis sounds a lot like mine at that age. i wish i had some magical advice for you but kids are just really rebellious at that age. what you do now can drive her to run away with this guy and that is the last thing you want. my suggestion is to keep the lines of communication open. she needs someone to trust, so be that someone. be there as much as you can and *try* to talk some sense into her. maybe a trip to the local women's shelter is in order. the cycle of abuse almost always starts the way you are describing her relationship. control, jealousy, insecurity... all big red warning signs. she is still so young, she probably idealizes her relationship as something she can "fix". she is just so wrong and is treading thru dangerous territory. does she have any interests? maybe you can get her into dance classes or something that could keep her occupied away from this guy. she might make new friends (new bf maybe?). or a part time job... famous for teen romances. just don't give up on her. good luck and keep us posted.

[SummerKisses079]

Its so hard to be there with her. When the only thing she can think about is how she is going to see this guy next. She really don't sit down and worry about how much she is hurting us and her family. Because she expects us to lie for her, and if we did we would have the whole family against us.

I've try to sit down and talk to her, because I know what its like to be with a controlling, obsessed boyfriend, and yes it did turn into him choking me pushing me and that kind of stuff, but it goes in one ear and out the other.

You know we try to get her a little part time job, she even changed schools, and all that stuff, but he keeps a close tab on her every move she makes..

Its crazy and scary!!

I will keep you posted on how everything is going.
Thank you for the advice!

[gr33n3y3z]

I dont think you can do much
Love is blind just be there for her when she hits rock bottom and hope she learns from it

[lisar]

truthfully your sis is gona have to see it for herself. When I was that age which wasnt that long ago. I would have adted him anyways and there was nothing anyone could do about it. She will find a way. The more yall push her about not seeing him the more she will want to rebel and see him.


Lisa