humm this is interesting, but not sure how i feel about it

I think I've mentioned before that I joined a couple online dating things to just put my toe in the water to what is out there. well things are lukewarm, getting hits, just not sure about the hits i am getting.
you see alot of hits are from single dads...
when i tell them I'm not sure their situation is right for me, i keep getting blasted. I mean I'm really nice about it. complimenting them and expressing graditude for their interest. But I just don't see it fitting into my or myas life.
My best friend said i'm missing out.
do you guys think i should give these guys a chance or stick with my gut on this one?

If you are absolutely certain combining families isn't going to work for you, I feel it's better if you don't lead them on. Yes, it will hurt them up front but they're going to get hurt eventually either way.

However, if you're uncertain about it, why not take the chance? You might just find that it works well.

I agree, if you are sure it is not for you, then you should follow your gut.

Personally, I'd say give it go. You never know what is out there. I can see how you would be unsure of the situation working, but also wouldn't it work as well? I mean, a single dad has his priorities (hopefully) firstly with his child. You'd both have that similar interest - your respective kids. I am not a single parent, but I think if I was I'd probably try and find a partner who was also a single parent, because they'd know the demands of parenting as opposed to someone with no kids who.

When I was dating I dated a guy with 2 kids, and being young and not having kids of my own, it was always kind of confronting having my date talk about his daughter's school play, his son's birthday party, etc, etc. I liked him but things didnt work out, not because of the kids though. Thats my own personal experience anyway.

Personally, I think it would be easier to relate to someone that understands what you are going through as a single parent. Plus, he is more likely to understand your needs as far as your daughter goes and that she comes first. Just a thought.

If it doesn't feel right, don't do it.

I'd go with my gut!

Its hard to say which is better. I dated online with a single dad who had a child literally a week after jenna. And we had a good realtionship but then he dumped me. He did understand when it came to my daughter is sick so i cant make the date, etc etc etc. And he was supportive. Then I met Marcus who isnt a single dad and he understood more than teh single dad in other ways and even in teh same ways. he took to jenna and bonded so quickly and he walked into the roll as dad so well. He is at time better at dealing with the behavioural issues we have endured with jenna since having breanna. So its depends. You could find an awesome mate that is a single dad and click so well and the kids get along so well also. But you can also meet a non single dad that mya takes too as well. I woudl say give it a try and if it doesnt work then you know it defenitly isnt your thing. Couldnt hurt though.

my concern isn't really for myself. It's more for Mya. she has expressed not wanting more step siblings ( she and her stepbrother already have a love/hate relationshp) and when i mention having one more child of my own, she gives me the "evil eye" but is more open to that then another step sibling.
I really want to take her feelings into account since so much has been forced on her with her dad's thing. i want her to geel like she has a say n her family too.

Did I miss something Nadia? I thought you had a boyfriend...


As far as your question...If you don't think its something that fits what you are looking for, then I would try to steer away from it, but I wouldn't steer away from it if Mya was the only reason for it. I know you love her and want to do what makes her happy, but you can't always just think of making her happy, sometimes you got to remember yourself too. What happens if you meet some great guy and fall madly in love and then find out he has a kid? Are you going to break up and not go after what you want because your child doesn't want a step sibling? You might be throwing something great away..Kwim?

Most kids don't like their step siblings...and alot of kids don't even like their real siblings...But they eventually get over it.

I can understand mya feeling this way. BUT if you meet a guy andhe by happens to have a child then dont push this child on her. But i am sure she will start to like another sibling. I hate my brother and he is my sibling...LOL. But as much as its important to put your child in front of you there are times that they can not make a desicion like that for you. She will get over it and move on. And just because another child should happen to come into the picture doesnt mean she cant have a say in her family. Let her take the reigns in when she wants to meet that other child and maby if you give her that freedom she will be ok. And look at it thsi way...you want another child and because she says no you are goign to push that aside? Yes i know how important it is to put your child in front when dateing BUT she can not make your descions... she is still too young ... you do what is best for BOTH of you not just her:)

My stepfather has 2 daughters (and a son who passed away years and years before my mom came in the picture).

My stepmother has a son and a daughter.

I have a biological brother.

Biological...by marriage...They're all jerks anyway.

Do what you feel is right. Meet the guy for who the guy is, not his family situaton.

Bri: nope been single for about 3 weeks.

My philosophy is always go with your gut. I think the subconscience sometimes "sees" things and that is what tells us not to do something. Perhaps one of these times you will see a single dad and your gut will tell you something different.

JMHO.

I'm on the fence. Gut instincts are good, and sometimes worth paying attention to, but then again sometimes they keep us from trying something new.

When I met DH, of course I accepted is daughter as part of the package but until we had the other kids I had no idea about how a parent really feels about their child and it actually made me a better step-parent. You might be surprised at what you find in a single dad.

On the other hand, if you just don't see it working, it won't, probably. BUT, as much as I understand Mya's thoughts and opinions, I don't necessarily think when you're talking about finding a spouse/partner/whatever that a child should have a whole lot of input. Of course they have to be able to get along, but your list of expectations should come from you and nobody else. Like I said, I understand where she's been forced into a situation she doesn't like, but that's life, we are all forced into situations and circumstances we don't like, and have to deal with it.

I guess I'm no help, because my bottom line is be open....you have to find what works best for you and Mya but only you know what that is so nobody else can tell you how to go about finding it.

This post has been edited by luvmykids on Oct 7 2009, 03:29 PM

I must have missed that post...Sorry things didn't work out.