When you disagree on family size???

Exactly. Also, your boys are both young and he might find it overwhelming right now with 2 toddlers already.

That's the little bit of hope I have... but I know this is a big one!!!

Anyways, talking about it all the time and bugging dh... only makes me miserable anyways. And honestly, who would want another baby with a miserable person anyways... I'm really not doing myself any good.


And yes, I honestly believe he's overwhelmed right now with the 2 boys. Nathan is 4 1/2 and Tyler is 2. I work opposite dh's work schedule... so there is a lot of time when he is alone taking care of both of them. I can understand being overwhelmed... there are some days (especially those toddler meltdown days) where I get overwhelmed.

So. I'm going to make a honest effort of letting it go...

This post has been edited by Cherie on Aug 2 2009, 11:43 AM

Hi hun I am in the same boat. I am 24 and am married with 3 young children aged 5,4 and almost 3. After our 3rd child was born my husband made it clear there were no more babies. This hurt sooo much as he knew when we got together that I wanted a big family. We have had no end of arguements and he had a vasectomy when our youngest was just 4 months old, I still can't believe he done it and I have never, and will never forgive him for doing it.
It has caused no end of stress and strain on our marriage, and I will always want more children, and know that one day I will, but when I find the courage to leave home. I love my husband, don't get me wrong, but I despise him for having the vasectomy and leaving me with this stress and pain. I don't know how you will get through it hun, but I know that there's only one way around this for myself hun, hope you get what you want though, TC xxx

It's an ache that just doesn't go away.

Dh makes comments about wanting a little girl and wishing he had one... but then says "there's no guarantee the next will be a girl". And I know that!!! But is it not worth a try???

I have told him over and over again that I do not want to keep trying... I promised him that after a 3rd baby I would have my tubes tied asap... regardless of boy or girl.

But anyways... for the time being, I have decided to leave it. I do not talk about it anymore. Dh knows how I feel so there's no point pushing it anymore.

I just hope and pray that one day he changes his mind... before we both get too old. I am 33, and he is 35.

You are not too old!! My parents were 38 when they had me, and 34 when they had their first.

You do not need to have both sexes to have a perfect family. A perfect family is anything but "trying" until you have both.

It's not so much about wanting a "perfect" family because I'm not naive, I know nothing is ever "perfect".

I have just always wanted 3 children. My parents had 2 and I always thought that was small. And then I met dh's family and realized what a difference 1 more child made. IMO, 3 children is a good size.

2 boys and a girl... would be awesome but I know we have a 50/50 chance regardless... and I wouldn't ttc just for a girl... I'd ttc for another child to love.

I'm just hoping dh changes his mind... but like I said... I've just let it be. I just don't want him to leave it and wait too long... and then we're both too old. Ideally I'd like to ttc #3 within the next year if possible. But we'll have to see what plans God has for our family.

This post has been edited by Cherie on Oct 10 2009, 01:14 PM

I started with 2 boys. We had no conversations about how and when to stop...we just got so busy with the first two that we didn't really address a third until all of a sudden I was 37 and thinking, it's now or never. I too would be lying if I said wanting a girl after two boys wasn't a big motivation for me. It worked out in my case, but I have two friends with 3 boys each for whom it went the other way. Neither of them regrets the decision, though I know the ache for a little girl never really goes away.
It sounds like you're being honest with your dh and yourself about your reasons, and that's good. I would just add as you head into counselling that I suspect some of your upset goes beyond the unresolved third child argument. Hopefully, you can dig through all of that and find some peace in your relationship. Best of luck, hon.

Yes, I am trying to be honest with myself and dh... but it's so frustrating seeing other people having more children and dh not being on the same page as me. I keep praying he will change his mind... but what happens if he doesn't?

Absolutely, most of the counselling on my part has to do with the unresolved third child argument.

Somedays I'm okay and I just keep waiting, and then other days I worry he may never come around.