Oh Geez...seriously

Ok last night Desiree stayed over our house. I noticed that she was on the phone with her boyfriend and she sounded mad. So she said ok let me go see. Apparently there is this girl that likes her boyfriend and her boyfriend was telling her about it (sounds like grown-up men too who like to tell their wives/girlfriends, hey some lady told me I was hot today just keep it to yourself igmo)...anyways....she goes downstairs to get on this girl's myspace page and it says I love Wommy (which is Desiree's boyfriend's nickname) all over her myspace and it says Wommy is mine etc... Then I heard Desiree saying that's ok because she has been running her mouth about Sabrina and Sabrina is gonna beat her up anyways. I'm not ready for this, I didn't want her to think I was meddling in her conversation but this sort of bothers me. I was always "that girl" that everyone said I was talking about somebody when I barely knew the person, I always got pinpointed with that, I don't want this little girl to get into with Sabrina (whose mom is a family friend and she is 14 or 15) over something she didn't quite possibly say. Now knowing that this little girl did what she did to her myspace page with Desiree's boyfriend is enough to make me think this little girl may be that type of person but I don't want Desiree getting mixed up in stuff like that. As a step-mom I try not to step on toes. I do know that in our family and in our neighborhood where we grew up taking up for yourself is a big thing. Some may not agree with me, but we've always taught our kids not to let anyone push them around and to speak their mind. We don't want them starting anything with anyone by any means. I'm just more of the ok if it comes down to it and this person hits you or comes after you then by all means protect yourself, but up to that point avoid it at all costs, that's my philisophy, Brian's is quite different because well he's a man...but I think Desiree got a little of the Brian in her. Staci is sort of like Brian too in that she tells Desiree if people talk about her to confront them. Me I'm more quiet about stupid petty stuff like that when it's just a one time occurence.

I don't know I'm not really asking for advice just sort of voicing concerns. She also got into another conversation with me last night while she was on the phone with her boyfriend about when I lost my virginity. I was truthful but geez I was only 2 years older than she is now, I was much too young and I told her that I was 14 but I was mucch too young and I still regret it to this day. But then I started thinking, girl you have your boyfriend on the phone, must we talk about this now? I don't know she just seems like she is growing up way too fast and she's only in the 6th grade. I'm just worried about her. She's a good kid, makes straight A's, is on the step team (they've come in first place the last 4 out of 5 competitions might I add and they are super super good) BUT....she is still sort of acting a little too boy crazy IMHO. I let her talk to her boyfriend on the phone for about 15-20 minutes a night or so at my house, then I tell her to get off the phone. I can't ban her from talking to him because her mom allows her. He is a very nice boy and very well behaved. I know they aren't "doing anything" but I'm worried about the things she talks about and stuff with him. Fighting with girls over him and then talking to me about virginity, I don't want him to get the wrong idea about her!

how old is her boyfriend? why can't that girl just stay out of it, she's way older than desiree

EEEEEEEEEKKKKK I am so dreading all of this stuff with Nikka, who just turned 13. I know it's hard, especially being the step sometimes. We have a great relationship but I'm still the step, kwim? I feel for ya on that one

I wish I had some advice, even though you weren't really asking for it. Nikka is still not allowed to talk to boys on the phone and hasn't discovered myspace yet, somehow. According to her dad, when she does hit boy craziness, she still won't be allowed to have a "boyfriend" until she's a little older but I don't know how that will actually play out. I don't know how we've avoided boy-craziness this far, right now all she talks about is her sports and getting into vet school and what color to paint her nails

I think most kids these days are growing up too fast, I don't think I was even thinking about much less talking about sex in 6th grade and it scares the crap out of me. On the fighting aspect of it, I really don't know, I always blew stuff off and never had a real reason to do it. If someone had punched me, I probably would have instinctively done it right back I encourage the kids to stick up for themselves, etc but really try to emphasize that even when it gets physical you can be the bigger person by walking away, and if someone is talking about you, don't stoop to their level by answering it.

I'm just rambling, probably didn't help you any, but good luck and you're doing a great job in being a good influence and role model for Desiree

Her boyfriend is also 12, they are in the same grade but attend different schools (thank God). Sabrina is in the 9th grade I think, the other little girl is 13 or 14 that is doing the myspace thing. Sabrina evidently has wanted a piece of this girl for a while because this little girl has spread a bunch of rumors about her around the neighborhood I guess. I'm not quite sure about all the drama that surrounds the few incidents her and Sabrina have gotten into it. Evidently last time they got into it, Sabrina gave her fair warning if she heard her saying something again she'd beat her up and the little girl got scared and took off running. I'm just telling you what I was told So anyways, that's why Sabrina will get thrown into it because she wants to beat this little girl up anyways, so she'll do it for her and for Desiree. because her and Desiree call each other cousins or whatever I don't know I get confused

Thanks. OH and you're SOOOO lucky to have escaped the myspace craze and the boycraziness. Desiree I will admit, you have to see her in person, but girlfriend looks much much and I mean much older than she is. She is getting a little bit into eye make up now too which is making it 10x worse. I've taken her to the mall before and 17 and 18 year old boys holler at her. We went to get pedis together one time and the people that worked there thought we were sisters, they said they guessed her no younger than 17 She is as big if not bigger than me and she is very well developed I will just put it that way. Pictures do her no justice seriously. Her acne that she was having issues with for a while is starting to go away now too...it's going to just get worse She is beautiful. So boys pay more attention to her I guess at a younger age and I think she likes it (hey I like attention too ok ) and she is just getting into boys now. I don't know that I agree with the boyfriend at 12 thing either...but I had one my parents didn't wanna call it that, but I did. I think nomatter what restrictions you put on the boyfriend girlfriend thing, with public schools it's bound to happen. I wasn't talking about sex in the 6th grade either...it wasn't far along after that, but it wasn't 6th grade. She just had to know when I lost mine, I wanted to be honest but re-iterate that it was wrong...why would she care?

Nikka does go to a private school, which may be a big part of why she is still sort of shielded. She hasn't gotten her body yet really either, which we all think is great

She is still really tomboyish too, she isn't into make up much other than lipgloss. And as mean as it sounds, we're all really dreading when she gets her braces off and gets contacts....I'm pretty sure that will be the turning point, she is cute as a button now but it's hidden underneath the glasses and braces

I think all of the stuff you've mentioned is just part of having teenagers these days, sadly. I have no idea how we'll deal with any of this, I keep thinking if it's this bad now what will it be like in eight or ten years when my little babies are teens?

I wasn't implying that you're wrong for allowing her to have a boyfriend, hope it didn't come across that way

I guess I didn't realize Desiree is the same age as my middle ds, Noah- though he's in 7th grade.
He had a gf over the summer, and her aim name was "ilovenoah", which I thought was hilarious, given how long these relationships tend to last. Anyway, this girl was very pretty and womanly, not at all what I was like at that age. She rocked her bikini, if you kwim. Then there's my ds, who only recently figured out that he's supposed to change his boxers more than twice a week and was barely acquainted with the inside of the shower. What she saw in him, I have no idea. However, this is a small town, and I was informed by other parents that at the school dances, he was all over her, which appeared to be just how she wanted it. When I saw them at 6th grade graduation, he looked very comfortable with his arm draped over her shoulders. My eyes almost popped out of my head- I still think of him as my goofy little Noah.
The point of this story is that they are very different with their own than they are around us, but in the end, they ARE still kids and they just don't have a clue. I guess I would find it a little disturbing if my dd was asking questions about virginity, and I would definitely take the opportunity to pound it into her head that once it's gone, there's no turning back. All the stuff she needs to know about taking that leap- yada yada yada. Sounds like you've already initiated that conversation, but it's critical info she needs to have. She is a knock-out, and she's in the target demographic. That is- her "look" is the one most fetishized and fantasized about in our culture- guys are pigs, and they don't think about how old she may be, they just see a hot chick they want to nail. I too remember liking the attention at that age, (though I wasn't nearly as hot as she is) and having no clue whatsoever what trouble might be behind it. You need to arm her to the teeth with as much info as possible. Have Brian talk to her too. It's a mine field for sure- but it's clearly on her mind right now. Keep the conversation going is the best advice I can give you.

Geesh...I can't imagine Mckaylee as a teenager...she is already boy crazy and she is only 4.

Desirea does look alot older for her age.....As someone who has met her in person...she looks at least 17 years old.

Jeanne has a good point.

It reminded me of the conversation I had with my cousin about his son who is in jr high. He was telling me how much more "mature" the girls are and how aggressive they can be. He said his son could really care less about girls at this age. He was telling me some of the things these girls were saying to him. It blew me away!! I wouldn't talk to my husband that way.

IMO, 12 is a little young to have a "boyfriend" that consists of anything more than them talking on the phone. Does her mother allow her to spend time with him, esp time in a room unsupervised?? With her asking questions about losing your virginity, I would be REALLY concerned about that.

My DH says he was interested in sex @ 11 yrs old. He didnt HAVE sex @ 11 yrs old (thank goodness!) but still....because of that, there is NO WAY I will be allowing my 11 or 12 yr olds to spend much/any time with "boyfriends/girlfriends" & def. will curtail too much phone contact. In a very poor town next to my city they had a 10 yr old pregnant a few years back. That scares the crap out of me!

I'd REALLY get it into her head that she has no business having sex ANY time soon.

Since she does look older & she's very pretty, she needs to be watched after VERY closely. I remember girls like that from school having sex @ 13 and 14 yrs old. Boys tend to push girls into that as they hit the teen years too, you REALLY have to watch it. That is SO SCARY to me.

I'd also tell her that fighting, esp among young ladies, is VERY trashy.

My goodness, she has more drama at 12 then I did at 17. I'd really sit her down have a serious talk, talking about when you lost your virginity while on the phone with her bf?, even having a bf at 12 is a bit much. It might be time to scale down some of the make up, boyfriends, phone calls, etc. IMO. Good luck, you sound like you're doing a great job. I don't want to think about Miabella being a teen one day.

personally I would never had answered when I lost my verginity to her while she was on the phone to anyone. If she really wanted to talk about it fine but in private.

I do see some of the same drama you are experiencing from my sitters daughter she to is 12 and has a boyfriend. girls at that age can be so mean. I am deffinalty not looking forward to those years

omg you guys are making me so happy i have sons. When i was that age i thought you could "catch" pregnant by sitting on a toilet after a preggo woman.

Well I didn't really eralize she was on the phone with her boyfriend until after I answered it and I was like Desiree, let's not have this conversation right now. Di, part of me wants to not tell her but I feel that honesty is the best policy in these cases because I feel like with the experience I had (which by the way was absolutely awful) I can tell her how horrible it was and how to this day I regret it and that I want her to learn something from both mine and her mother's mistakes.

As far as a 12 year old having a boyfriend, ok my parents said the same thing to me when I had a boyfriend....you're 12 you don't have a boyfriend. But to me, I did. I talked to him on the phone, I held his hand and I hugged him (that's as far as it went at 12) and to me, that was my man, ya know. No matter how much I don't like it or think it's just a little kiddie crush, she's gonna do it regardless, she goes to public school, she'll have a boyfriend, I want her to be open and honest with us. I've met this boy on several occassions, he is very respectful. It's yes ma'am, no ma'am. He makes it a point to have Desiree tell me hi when she's on the phone with him etc...I don't want to defend the fact that we let her have a "boyfriend" because as hard as it is, it's reality and will happen behind our backs if we don't allow it to happen in front of our face, it's just reality. I know all too well what it feels like to have your parents "deny your boyfriend!" I don't want to put her through that, because within a year or two later I was trying to sneak around to find a way to get to my boyfriend.

We do definitely keep the lines of communication open with her, we can only hope for the best. She assures us that sex is not on her mind and will not be anytime soon and that if she decides that she may want to do something she will come to us, Desiree does talk to me about things, I can say that. I just hope and pray that we are doing things right, you know I feel like things happened with her so fast.

Jeanne, and you're right...Desiree is gorgeous. Oh and I was laughing at what you guys were saying about braces and stuff coming off, Desiree has some issues with zits right now, for a while it was looking like it was going to get bad, but we bought this stuff and it's been working wonders, so now her acne is really clearing up, so now she is all the more beautiful, and part of me wants to hide her cleanser so it comes back.... isn't that horrible?? I would never want her to have to go like that, so I would never do it, because at that age your face is everything but still....I'm like man now her face is going to be clear, now I'm scared even more!!

Too funny.

Yep you're in trouble with Hanna and Aubrey, they are gonna be GORGEOUS too.

This post has been edited by Bellasmommy10 on Dec 24 2007, 02:05 PM