I could use some advice please..., sensitive issue

I am having a bit of a problem...

DH and I have a great relationship but lately there has been an intimacy issue coming up and I don't really know how to deal with it.

DH has always had a stronger drive than I have. Lately though, it has really started bothering him. He thinks I don't find him attractive anymore. I do, he is gorgeous in my eyes, always has been and always will be. I really enjoy that part of our relationship, I just have trouble starting the situations. I don't think it would bother him but we used to have a very, very active "life" and so now that it has slowed wayyy down he thinks it is something that has to do with him, I have talked to him and tried to explain it but it doesn't seem to work. I guess my main question is...Is there any vitamins I can take or something to help me? Or if any women here have had this problem, what helped?

FYI When our "life" was quite active we were intimate everyday, sometimes 2-3x a day and now it is around once a week.

I don't know if I have explained the situation as well as needed so if you have any questions...please feel free to ask.

I think it's a very common thing that happens, especially when kids come along, etc....and I've been in your shoes, where nothing I say can convince DH that it's not about finding him attractive.

For me, the two main things are feeling emotionally connected, and being too tired. If we're good on an emotional level, it helps a lot. And when I'm getting enough sleep and taking my iron and B vitamins I feel like a totally different person. I don't recommend the iron without talking to a dr but honestly, the way I feel physically makes a huge difference in that department.

In your case you might just make it a point to "remember" to initiate things once a week or something...just go for it He'll be pleasantly suprised and you might find it gets easier and easier to do. I know a lot of women who have to kind of force themselves to start it (me included)....it's just the initial moments and then things are usually good

Walking into the bedroom naked counts as starting it, as do tossing your undies at him and asking him to join you in the shower.

Good luck!

Thank you! It is kind of nice to know I'm not wierd or alone...ya know? I will try to do initiate things and see how that goes. He will probably have a heart attack but in a good way! lol

Good luck hun
I'm sure you will do just fine

I'm in the exact same boat, Mrs. Mommy, except with us, it's maybe a few times a year and I'm just not interested at all in even the thought of it.

I think the biggest thing with me is that I'm angry with him most times and the very last thing I want to do is be open with him sexually.

I still find mine incredibly handsome, but he doubts me. I even told him so when I was horribly pizzed at him and said, "If I can still tell you this NOW, then obviously it's true!' He still doesn't believe me.

I did think about taking something or going to the doctor about it, but I figured why should I do something to make me do something else that I don't want to do? Well, that made total sense in my head... doesn't make much sense written out

I don't think another man would be married to me. I have a very low sex drive and I do deal with some past painful issues that have affected our marriage. My husband and I are lucky to have an intimate moment once a month, so he would be in Heaven if we connected once a week. I have a very hard time being the one to initiate it also. I am trying to work past it though and I have forced myself to do so even though it makes me uncomfortable, but I know I need to. I think to if my husband and I spent more time "dating" I would probably want more intimacy. I don't know if there is anything you could take, so I'm not much help. I'm just babbling.

I think the emotional connection is a big problem for me too.

My Dh and I are going through this right now since we are both stressed with moving and both really tired. It has been weeks, maybe months....I can't really remember. But I look at it this way, we both know we have a very deep love for each other. There is no doubt attraction there. But we both just aren't in the mood. And we both know that we are just going through a "rough" patch...it will pass. I feel that I am emotionally connected to my DH, so I feel that we do have a level of intimacy, just not physical right now. I'm really okay with it.


My point is, just be open to your DH about what you're feeling. And ask yourself the questions I answered above, such as "do you think you can get passed this rough patch?" Figure out what's holding you back and just talk. DH and I have our deepest conversations at night before bed (if we're not falling asleep). It clears the air and helps us both de-stress, which if we're lucky, usually leads to more afterward. Maybe you just need to get something off your chest before you can make a move on your DH.

Well I have been married over 10 years and I promise you that this is just par for the course. We all go through cycles. Life happens. We dont' have sex as much as we used too. We have four kids, a mortage, bills, and we both work full time.. but one thing I have noticed is that while we aren't doing it 5 times a day like we did when we first started the five times a month mean a lot more! It's really the quality over the quanity. We connect in ways that are alot deeper than the sex we had in the beginning. To us it makes up for not doing it daily.

But that being said, we do have times when we are really connected and everything is flowing right and we still have sex everyday for a few weeks. But we have learned to cherish those times and say wow, but not to expect them from each other!

I don't think you need medicine, vitamins etc. I think you just need to realize these things happen in life. It doesn't mean you love him less, or want him less. It's the opposite really. It means you love him at a level that is beyond sexual, you can be intimate with out being sexual. I know that is hard for a man to understand but when you love some one with more than your body, like you do in a marriage you find different ways to make love, maybe it is just the hug or kiss, or the phone call that says I was just thinking of you while four kids run around like monkeys under your feet. But then the time is right, the kids actually go to bed on time and you can relax and breathe, and then you can make love and it feels so perfect you know.

Oh and you can always tell him what I tell my DH. The secret to turning me on, and having me want it so bad I can't stand it, is very simple! Every time I see that man do dishes... it makes me want to do things to him I can't discuss here! lolol

Last time I knew 1 time a week was pretty decent. We go from once a week to once a month. Geeze. and I'm in my early 20's!

That definately makes me feel better. Thank you!


P.S. It has gotten better.