Should I just suck it up?, FIL question

My FIL was here visiting for about 7 days and it was extremely painful you guys. I won't go into too much detail because I would write two pages of all the crap he said to me. All the comments about what I feed my kids, the insults and the demanding me to do things for him, like I'm his servant in my own home. I've known DH for a long time, so it's nothing new to me, my FIL is high high maintenance, but still, it was really hard this go around. I really never realized what a chauvinist he is. Asked me to wash his pajamas, and then had the balls to tell me HOW to wash them. That is just one incident in a list of many.

Anyhow, one evening (while I'm trying to cook dinner and watch the kids at the same time) he asked us when he could come out next and told us that Mother's Day week/end would work best for him. Well I finally put my foot down. I politely said that it would be fine he come visit, but that on MD, I will not be cooking, cleaning, or watching the kids as the MEN go flyfishing (which is my FIL's priority for the visit). So at first he said he understood where I was coming from, but then he got a little worked up, saying that it was the only weekend that worked for HIM...And then made a ton of excuses that it would be too hot to flyfish in June and too cold to go in April. Luckily DH put his foot down too, which he normally doesn't do with his parents, and said "no dad, we have to find a different weekend".

So long story short, DH takes my FIL to the airport alone. I stayed home with Wesley. Well guess what happened on the car ride, my FIL had the nerve to ask Rich (DH) AGAIN if he could come MD weekend!!!!! Am I wrong for thinking that it was completely rude of him to go behind my back and ask my DH again, as if my FIL assumed my DH would completely ignore my feelings? Am I over-reacting? DH is mad, but he would never tell his dad that.

But of course now I'm feeling guilty...The kids LOVE it when he is here, which is MY priority for his visits, so should I just suck it up and let him come on MD? I just know it would be a lot of work for me. DH helps a lot, but my FIL requests a lot of one-on-one time with his son, which also hurts my feelings. Ugh. Sorry that got long.

Hun tell him he may come but your not going to be his servent on MD weekend Period!!

There are 3 other weekends in May... he can't see you any of those times? Sounds like a control freak and a jerk, and no, I wouldn't suck it up if I were you.

Tell him if he comes that day to be prepared to pay for take out and to do his own laundry.

I think if you can get a guarantee from DH that on MD you are "off duty", I would suck it up

My MIL and DH's grandma are the same way, I'm still steaming about a weeks worth of back handed compliments and insults MIL dished out...unfortunately, thats sometimes part of the package with IL's. Didn't mean to take over your thread, just wanted you to know you're not alone I'm sorry he's so hard to deal with

If it is either that weekend or none I would let him come but make sure that he know that you are "off duty" as someone else said. Make sure that you can stick to it Rae otherwise like children he will know that he can walk all over you. Tell dh he has to behind you on this, like when he is there say no dad rae isnt going to cook tonight, we can go out or....KWIM? Good luck, oh and the tree thing with mil wasnt an issue...she ended up doing a table one which is fine.

and make sure that your DH knows he's in charge of the kids that weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No way would I allow him to come on MD weekend if it means you will have to do everything. In fact, if it was me, I'd say NO to that weekend all together.

And I wouldnt feel bad about it.

The kids can see him another time, they wont know any different anyway.

PS- Your FIL sounds like a real a**

Thanks for the advice you guys! My FIL really is a big jerk, no doubt about that one.

I'm sure he will ask again about MD. I know DH stands firm on it and will tell him no, but it's the fact my FIL goes behind my back to try and persuade my DH differently, well that just makes me sad. Totally disrespectful. It just shows why my ILs are divorced. I have never met a person so self-centered. It was DH's birthday while he was here, so the three of us went to dinner without the kids...well all my FIL could talk about the entire dinner was himself. Totally arrogant. Never once asked about DH and his job, or any of my interests. I could see DH was hurt. He is good with the kids I must say...Would never babysit or change a diaper, but sweet to them. He just exhausts me though. Before kids, it was easy to want to please him, for DH's sake that is. And I do enjoy cooking for him. But when I really think about it, it gets me no where. He is highly opinionated and really thinks he is better than everyone.

Thanks again, I really needed to get this off my chest.

oh wow, he sounds like my grandmother