How Would You Handle This?, Sorry It got a Little Long

My sister and I have never really been close. We would see each other on Birthdays and Holidays, but that would pretty much be it. But then DH and I seperated and she became so supportive, helping me move, taking me to yardsales, and really just being a good support for me. When Spencer got sick our relationship became very strained and whenever I would call from Toronto, she was always to busy to talk. I know that what happened to Spencer was stressful on everyone, so I really didn't think anything of it. Recently my BIL got laid off from his job. He used to work at one of the Lumber Mills and now is collecting employment insurance. I felt badly for them and before he was laid off I sold her by Mountain Bike. She said that she would make out 4 postdated cheques. I've recieved $40.00 for the bike, I told her not to worry about the rest of the payments and to just pay me when she could. We agreed on a price of $120.00 because it had a babysit already attatched to it. Now this is the first issue. They are always complaining to anyone that would listen that they don't have any money. She wanted to go to the bar one night with her friend, so I lent her a pair of Jeans and a Tank Top, never got them back. They are always driving into town to pick up my nephew from Football Practise, to visit with my parents, my brother or to just sit at a coffee shop and have coffee. For the August long weekend they threw a BBQ for all of there friends and I recieved a call from my BIL, lastminute inviting us, we couldn't go because DH was working. They've gone to a wedding, were my sister bought a new dress. I realize that this is none of my business and that what they do with there money is there problem. It just bothers me that they haven't paid me back yet.

Anyway At the end of July my sister and I had an argument. I got angry with her and she said a few words herself. I hungup because I didn't want it to turn into a heated argument. Later I appoligized, I wanted to appoligize in person, but she lives in the country and I don't drive. I tried calling, but didn't really think that it was appropriate to leave that kind of message on her answering machine given that my BIL and nephew might hear the message for my sister, I tried calling her Cell phone, but never got an answer. So I emailed her an apology, to which I didn't recieve a reply. I have tried repeatedly to call her, but still nothing. My 16 year old nephew goes to a Catholic HighSchool, were they have to wear uniforms. While shopping I found a sweatshirt with his school logo on it (the uniforms are very casual), so I phoned and asked if they would like me to pick it up BIL said sure. Never got a Thank You from him or my sister.

My sister didn't show up for my Birthday and when she called the next day (on my actual Birthday), she was phoning to find out what we were doing for Claudia and then as she was hanging up she said "oh and by the way Happy Birthday!" Throughout Claudia's Birthday she didn't speak to me at all, my 18mth old nephew doesn't know me from a hole in the ground (I've been in Toronto a lot so I hardly get to see him). He really made strange with me, yet would go to my DH and everyone else in my family, because he has seen them. She re-gifted a gift giving me a candle and a giant chocolate bar. I was greatful and said Thank-You. After that I was invisible.

I emailed both my sister and brother explaining what is going on with me right now. That was Wednesday, my brother responded right away, but as usual, my sister hasn't. So how long to I wait, how many times do I have to appologize, and what do I do if she doesn't want to have a relationship with me anymore? I really miss my sister, but now I don't know what to do anymore.

First of all ((((((BIG HUGS))))))

I know its your sister hun and you love her and miss but i think its time to just give her space. Because you do nto need this negativity ion your life you have been through alot and goign through alot! Your sister will see what a bag( hopefully) she is being and will come to you. you know my sister is so much like yours in the sense she treats me like a peice of poo and only omes to me and supports me if she gets something out of it. My sister is now in vancouver and honestly i like it that way the best. I know it sounds bad but its true!

Stop apologizing hun you said it so manyu times and she heard it many times. Just let it go because hun she will still be that way and 2 more apologizes is not going to make her listen. I know its hard because she is your sister and you love her but the way you are explaining it in the thread it sounds like she is not much of one right now! Just leave it be for a bit huna nd then try again in a few days... (((HUGS)))

Thanks Shelly for your response. You're right I've done everything I can, it's up to her now and I highly doubt that she will do anything.

Its sucks but at least you learn who is truely your family and who isnt... ill be your sister!

Awww that's so sweet! Thanks!

You did all you can now its up to her and Shelly is right give her time and space

I know what you are saying with your sister. I agree you have done everthing you can and you just have to wait and see what she does.

I'm sorry honey, I agree just give her some time maybe she will come around and act like a nice person again!!

This post has been edited by alyssa'smommy on Sep 16 2007, 12:39 PM