I need help with the babysitting kids, AGAIN!

First some back ground. CJ is 5yrs old, although he definately has some mental/emotional issues. He does the tip toe walking, the head rocking, and throws some massive fits on the floor where he screams like an animal and hits his head off the floor..we usually have to wrap our arms around his, so hold them down and hold him to stop him from hurting himself..
just to give you an idea of his mentality..
ok, so the dad about a week before easter, said to me when he was picking them up, "CJ, did you tell Ms. Stacy what you took from her house?" I was like, WHAT?!, so CJ just looks at me, and the father says, do you have mega blocks. I said, yes. So CJ says, " I took the black one home in my pocket because I dont have a black one."
I was waiting for the dad to further speak to his son about stealing and mention something about bringing it back..nothing was said..so he left. The next morning I asked CJ about the block, and if he brought it back..no..so my dh and I decided to make sure he knew that stealing was wrong, he certainly didnt seem to be getting that theory at home! So we told CJ he wasnt allowed to play with our toys until he brought the block back. I mean its not like he just saw it, liked it, and then in the spir of the moment took it..he thought about it, and knew he didnt have one, and took it..and now wont bring it back..
every day since before easter..he says, I forgot the block..he remembers because he brings it up to me...so we have kept up with the "your not allowed to play with toys." but its getting ridiculous now. I mean he isnt going to bring it back, and his father doesnt care...
so what do I do? Just let it go? CJ wont learn a thing, and do I just have to let that go too?
what would you do now?

OMG, Stacy, I'm probably not being helpful but geez, I'd go back to that nursing job you were asking about earlier and drop this babysitting gig, pronto! This just isn't worth it, you're constantly stressed about this and seriously, what is it all for? If the father doesn't care what impact will you really have? The kid obviously won't bring it back and I wouldn't want a kid who steals in my house, period.
I have to say, my housekeeper charges me 20 bucks an hour, a ridiculous amount considering most of them only get half that much. She's a good enough cleaner, perhaps not the best and I'm 100% sure that I could get someone who cleans as well for half that price or less. BUT, I keep her because I know when I leave her in my house, she won't take anything. I have actually left cash lying around and she just folded it up neatly for me, didn't take a thing.
I just would not have a thief in my house, who needs that?
Sounds like you have enough stress with your own kids that you really don't need this...imo, life is way too short to be put through this everyday, especially if you have options, like nursing, which is one of the most in demand fields out there. You could have a well paying job almost immediately with your degree and not have to worry about stealing, misbehaving kids and their seemingly unconcerned parents.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
edited because I am just the queen of typos today.

This post has been edited by cameragirl21 on Apr 15 2009, 07:35 AM

Jennifer, I am trying to find a job that fits our schedule. I dont want my kids to go to a sitter. I also am really limited in what days and hours I can work. so with travel time added in there, its been hard. I am working on a resume and putting out feelers thru my old nursing contacts, but so far no bites..
I dont want to watch these kids anymore. I have done it for 8 months. I really hate it. They make my kids really really sick, and they have such behavior issues. I just cant do it anymore. I also just cant stop and not have some other form of income coming in. It just wouldnt be responsible in this economy. So I am thinking if I cant find a nursing job that works, then maybe something else..I only need to make $200 a week. I just never really thought about what else can I do?

I just kept feeling like it was the principle of the thing, not the block. I have tried to make some impact on these kids lives..but maybe it is just a waste of energy.
I was hoping for some feed back on that...but I suspect you are right, this is just a waste of time.

have you asked him why he wont bring it back? or why he thinks he keeps forgetting?

sheesh I feel bad for the kids and you. the lack of structure and disapline at home is so horrible, makes you wonder what they will be like when they are older.

Stacy, I babysat for several families as a teenager and the kids adored me but the truth is, your influence is limited as you are not the parent and it doesn't matter if you're right or not.
Just to give you an example, I used to babysit twin girls who were 11 at the time. Their parents were fairly well off so they went to this posh private school where all the kids were pretty bratty and spoiled. One of the twins, Jessica, was quite popular. Anyway, they were not formally invited to one girl's birthday but that day at school, that girl invited them both to her party so they went. Often, I was the one who picked them from these parties but this time I wasn't babysitting. I came the next day and their mother got a nasty phone call from the birthday girl's mother.
It seemed the boys had ganged up on Jessica and started putting salt in her eyes (these parties were held at upscale restaurants, nothing but the best for these kids ) and the bday girl's parents didn't do anything about it, in fact, they were mad that this whole incident put all the attention on Jessica (her twin started crying watching the whole thing and Jessica quickly became the center of attention among the girls) and took attention away from their bday girl daughter.
So her mother has the nerve to call Jessca's mom to tell her that Jessica ruined her daughter's bday!
I can tell you, I was livid and had a HUGE argument with the mother because I was stunned that the parents did not jump into stop the boys and then had the nerve to complain!!!! I told their mom that the bday girl's mom was SO lucky she didn't call while I was there because I would have sent her right to hell for something like that. Their mom saw my point but her focus was that the girls were not really invited and shouldn't have gone.
Bottom line--my influence was limited, even if I was right so I had to live by their parents' rules even if I thought they were stupid and in this case, downright detrimental to the girls imo. And let me tell you, I was very close to their family, had a key to their house, spent nights there, went on vacations with them, etc but still my influence was limited, it's just the reality of the situation.
If all you need is 200 dollars a week, I'm sure that is doable in other, less stressful ways. What hours does your dh work again? Have you considered becoming a visiting nurse? They have flexible hours and great pay, my good friend's SIL is one and she doesn't work anywhere near 40 hours a week and rakes in close to 6 figures and totally sets her own schedule.

I would have personally told the father from the beginning about your "no toys until you bring the block back" rule. One thing that makes a successful relationship between parent and caretaker is communication. My sitter tells me when she scolds my kids, etc, and then I know to help her deal with those issues. The father obviously cares somewhat or else he would have never brought it up. Although he didn't follow through with it. I'd sstill talk to the father about it, IMO.

I wish he cared..he doesnt. when I have scolded the kids, put them in time out for biting, hiting, breaking things...they tell their dad as soon as they walk in...usually we have found that the only that works with these kids, is we take away afternoon snack...so they tell their dad they are hungry, they missed, for what ever they did, and he takes them mcdonalds...they learn nothing..

its a horrible situation.

I have so many horrible stories...

I would stick to my guns and continue to remind CJ and dad about the stolen item until it is returned. Eventually it will come back because they will be tired of hearing about it and maybe the boy (and his son) will learn something.

Sorry, I don't have any advice. I can't believe he still hasn't brought the block back. What does he do all day at your house if he can't play with toys?

The kid really doesnt need toys, he is in his head all day!
they play with the couch pillows a lot and hide..they play tag and chase each other around..
they watch seseme street once a day..
once the older kids are home they play with them..they also nap 3 1/2 hours a day or more for me...because they get no sleep..

its not as bad as it sounds..he certainly doesnt sit still.

I would tell the dad that you have been waiting for CJ to bring back the block. Until he does, you wont provide care for the children. Period. I know it sounds harsh, but I bet next time they are there, he'll have the block in hand. If he doesn't, stick to your guns. You have to get tough with clients like this, because they will not change unless they are made to!!! I'd be willing to bet that they will listen to you because I am sure they know that anyone else will not give their family the time of day that you do! I would also tell the dad that it's about teaching his child right from wrong. If he's not made to bring it back, then it teaches him that he can steal and still get to keep what he stole and not have consequences.

There are other ways to go about it too, but I think the important thing is to teach the child that he has to bring it back. You could charge dad money to replace it, etc....but it still wont teach the child anything unless he's made to bring it back.

This post has been edited by Boo&BugsMom on Apr 16 2009, 11:11 AM

I needed to update this today...CJ brought back the block! He had it in his pocket.
I have no idea why he finally did it..but its here..

He sensed that you meant business this time!! OR maybe he can read and was on PC last night and got scared . . .

I think that massive fit from yesterday really got to him.

yesterday, it was time to go get the kids from the bus stop...I asked CJ to get his shoes and coat..he ignored me. I asked him several more times, I had the other three little ones in the car, and he still hadnt moved. I shut off the tv, and he threw a massive, head banging on the floor arms and legs flailing fit..refused to stand up. I couldnt leave him home alone, he had to go..I had to go..so I ended up dragging this kids to the car, he was so bad struggling, I couldnt get the seat belt on him..so we went to the bus stop..this kid sat in time out until his father came..
I told his father what happened, and he just rolled his eyes and then start to play with CJ to get him to get out to his car..I am sure he wasnt punished.

I really let him know how frustrated I was with him, and told him he is about to be removed from my home permanetly if he does that ever again. so then the block came back...I think he knew I was ready to kill him..