Need help with son who smokes marijuana

I need advice on how to deal with my son who apparently has been smoking marijuana for quite sometime. He's 19 years old and a college sophomore. He lives on campus at a university that's approx. 50 miles away, and it's on the top 10 list of party colleges. He's in danger of losing his scholarship. I've told him that if he doesn't make the required GPA this semester, he will have to transfer to a local college and live at home.

I first discovered he was smoking marijuana 2 years ago. After several heart to heart discussions, I had hoped the problem had been resolved. I convinced myself that he was a teenager who was experimenting, and that it was normal for him to do so. Well, I recently found a near empty bag of marijuana in his room along with pipes & cigarette papers. Also, I found empty bottles of over the counter sleep medication (which apparently produces a high when taken with alcohol). This really alarms me.So, it appears the problem is a lot more serious that I thought.

I just don't know how to handle this. He's an adult so he has to live with the consequences of his choices, but I cannot stand by and watch him mess his life up. I've tried talking to him, but that hasn't gotten us anywhere. He claims he doesn't smoke that much (which is clearly not the truth), and he doesn't think he has a problem.

Any advice you can give me will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Welcome to PC I do not have any advice. I just wanted to welcome you and wish you luck. There but for the grace of God go I. My son is 15 now and I hope not to deal with this, but will learn from the advice you get.

well I don't have any kids (yet) BUT I was an RA in college on an all male floor . and YES there was a lot of drug use... it's becoming the norm on college campuses, unfortunately. marijuana is so prevalent, it's "the new cigarette"

I have found that it is harder to communicate effectively with boys when it comes to drugs. They tend to not realize how much they are screwing up until the ship has sank and they are kicked out of school...my advice would be to get him some professional help. If this has escalated to him experimenting with prescription drugs, it is beyond your help and control. I would simply sit him down and tell him what you have found, and that you are alarmed at his poor performance in school. He is in rea danger of losing his scholarship, and I don't know if you are aware of this, but in many many schools, when something like this affects academic performance and a scholarship is revoked, they may try to make your son or you (depending on who's name is on the financial aid) pay back the past scholarship moneys Check into your son's college's advising departments... they should have an office called academic support or help services - it's free counseling as often as needed and they can also help your son academically, in hopes he will save his scholarship. PM me if you need more info and

I honestly don't know if there is anything you can do. It has become the norm for so many people. It's sad that it has taken so many people over.

He has to be the one who WANTS to change!! I have personal experience with this not myself, but someone I love. The person is 27 years old and has been doing it since he was a teen. He even went to rehab and it didn't work. It is SO hard to quit. It also is VERY addicting.

ETA: He is 19. He may not listen to you all. He is considered an adult now. He basically most likely will do what he wants to do! Sorry just had to add this.

This post has been edited by Mom2KayleeBRYNN on Aug 31 2006, 05:21 AM

I would have to suggest you try to get him professional help. He must not want to stop smoking pot because he has smoked it for years and he hasn't stopped yet. It's only going to get harder for him.
From what you've said I think he may have more of a problem than just pot. IMO drinking is far worse than smoking pot, even though drinking maybe legal, look at all the problems it causes on so many different levels. I would have to guess his drinking is causing his grades to drop and if he's mixing pills with it that only makes it that much worse. If he's getting drunk a lot it could easily lead to him being introduced to much harder drugs.
Please don't get me wrong, I think pot is very bad too, I just think drinking can lead to more problems than smoking can.
Good luck

I have no advice bc I never had to deal with this
Thank God
But he needs help before he puts himself in danger of being kicked out of school and himself if other schools see why no way will they allow him to sign up.

He's no longer a child. You can only take a position where you refuse to financially support him if he's on dope. My guess, since he's been smoking pot for some time, is that he's probably also taking, or at least experimenting with other drugs too. This would be the most common scenario for a 19 year-old drug user. If he were my son, I would stock up on home drug testing supplies, and require him to test clean, or forget the tuition and bedroom (in other words; you want to smoke dope, go get a job and an apartment and support your own habit). But I'm known for my extreme stances on such things. Of course I have four kids, all teens or older, none of which use drugs.

I'm a mean mommy. I wouldn't not tollerate drug use, even if he is over 18 and out of the house. For starters I would quit paying for college. If he isn't taking his education seriously I would stop the gravy train.
I would also turn him in to the police. He is breaking the law. and IMO no one is above the law. Maybe he needs a little wake up call.

I guess that makes me a mean mommy too. I wouldn't tolerate it. Tough love is necessary. I would also threaten to call the college myself and get him busted if he wouldn't listen, then follow through if he was still doing it. But, that's me. Live and learn to suffer the consequences is a big rule in our house.

I don't think I would be paying for him to go to college either. Marajuana use often leads to more hardcore drug use. His using prescription drugs is a real problem too. I am no expert, but I would be getting as much info as I can from trusted sources (it seems like you are already trying to do this). I might even consider having him go to some sort of program where they tour jails and talk to inmates. I don't know exactly what, but I would definately do what I could to stop the behavior. I know a few kids who spent time in jail and others who got hooked on heroine and are still messed up. I certainly hope yours doesn't go down either of those roads.