13 year old daughter likes bad boy, daughter likes "wrong" type of boy

[legalchick]

HELP! My 13 year old daughter likes the "wrong" boy. I know I can't come right out and tell her not to like him because that won't make a difference. She's a good girl, A student and for some reason is infatuated with the "bad" boy at her school. He smokes pot which he doesn't mind telling everyone and I don't want her getting caught up in this. Does anyone have any ideas as to how I can dissuade her from liking this kid? I have tried to ask her exactly what she likes about him (other than his looks obviously) and she says she doesn't want to talk about it. I have talked to him generally and he's actually quite a funny, smart kid but he's definitely the rebel of the bunch. And the smoking pot thing is not acceptable. HELP!

[redchief]

Your concerns about your daughter's infatuation with a drug user are valid. At 13, he's awfully young to be using a gateway drug like marijuana. I wonder, though, if maybe you're only taking the stance as mother of your daughter, and not as concerned parent in the community. Not that being your daughter's advocate and guide is wrong, it isn't, but I'm wondering why, if you know this about this young man, you aren't doing something about such a young boy being involved in drugs. It seems that you have at least an aquaintance with him, and that beyond the drug use, you like the kid. Have you spoken to him about his drug use in a frank, no nonsense way? Maybe, just maybe, you can have an effect on his future if you do.

If you haven't done this, I think you should. I also think that perhaps you should speak with his parents about your concerns. Now this won't make you the most popular mom in the world, but it will either have a positive effect on the boy, or he will react negatively to it, and very soon he will lose interest in your daughter because he will see her as an extension of you. I hope something can be done to save him, but I understand that your first concern is your daughter's safety and future.

[Brias3]

IMHO, if this were my child, given the situation, I'd simply just not allow her to see him if their friendship escalates to a relationship. Granted, you don't want to push her to rebel further but at the same time, for a 13-year old, this is simply unacceptable. For her to want to expose herself to this type of person and scene so early only will set her up to be in the same scenarios in the future.

I think 13-years old is a bit young to be dating anyhow. To allow her to be alone and unsupervised with a boy at this age, particulary one with the qualities he has, is kind of a dangerous move IMO.

Good luck!