AT WITS END!, Getting annoyed, worried, and fed up.

My first post on this site was about my daughters clinglyness. Its gone too far now.
For weeks she has been bugging my husband, a very busy man who is a police officer and works another job, to take her and her sibilings to a mets game. He finally got tickets for the four of them. I hate baseball so I had no intrest in going. Today she woke up in tears that she didnt want to go to the game if I wasnt going. This upset my husband very much, who got pretty angry that he spent a lot of money, and time getting these tickets, and time off work. So the game she has been begging to go to, she isnt at, she is home in her room. She chose to flip out on her fahter for not buying me a ticket, and for not telling her that mommy wasnt going. I edxplained to her I dont like baseball and had no intrest in going, she cried and cried, and yelled. Began swearing at me and my husband, for that her mouth was washed out with soap, i dont care what is going on, she shouldnt be swearing at hre parents. She is now up in her room, crying, becuase I wont let her come down and spend the night with me. Maybe if I dont let her around me for a little tonight she will realize that she cant always have me to herself. I dont know what to do, the disrespect and backtalk, along with the swearing, jeeze. I cant do another nasty teenager.

Also in three weeks her and hre sister are going on a cruise together, for 4 days. She is beginning to say she doesnt want to go. What do i do!!!!!!!

You definitely need to talk to her. Sounds like something is going on that you don't know about and you NEED to know about. Set her down and tell her to open up to you. You both need to be honest with one another.

She also may just be a typical teen!!!

I think there's something under the surface that she's not sharing also. Her behavior is unusual, if not unheard of, but her reaction to your unwillingness to go is off the mark. I'm not a big fan of the soap in the mouth, but that's all I'm saying about that. I think some serious, frank, and open discussion is in order, preferably with your husband and your daughter and no one else.

I really think your husband needs to be included in this too, but he needs to be prepped a little so he doesn't get angry or hurt. You have a tough situation on your hands. I hope it all comes out okay for you all.

I regret the whole soap in the mouth thing, and I think if I wasnt so upset and annoyed with her little games lately, i would have done what I usually do, which would be the computer would be gone, and I would take the cell phone for three days. But I was so annoyed at the mmoment, and so upset with the whole thing.

I went upstairs to try and talk to her, and she put the radio on. I sat there and said I would wait, and she finally said "do you love me?". This whole thing is putting me at a loss for words. Out of the three of them I spend the most time wiht her, and do the most wiht her. I would expect the other ones to feel as if I dont love them the same.

Keep digging... there's something she's not sharing. I feel it in my gut.

I feel like the worst parent ever on the face of the earth.

Her friend passed away about 4 and half years ago, December 27th, my father passed away the 27th of march. I remember the dates scared her. But she came downstairs just down, and dropped a printed out emial on the table and went back upstairs. I read it, remembering she went to a Memorial dinner the other night. It was a note from the girls mother, saying basically not to take me for granted and give your mom a lot of your time, becuase I miss my daughter more than naything. I dont totally appericate her putting thoughts about one of us being lost in her head, but I understand her advice.

So now I feel awful. And I am here becuase I almost dont have the courage to go upstairs, and apologize for being angry at her, for putting soap in her mouth, and for punishing her.

gosh =(
I forgot how much I miss that little girl too, I can only imagine what she is going through.

YES!!!!

Turn this into a positive. Explain to her that you have no intention of going anywhere, and that, while you could never promise her that nothing bad will ever happen, you'll always try to be there for her with love and support. Go on to explain how important it is that she continue to grow so that she can become who she wants to be. Thank her for her love for you and make sure she knows that you're by no means pushing her away, but that you want to share her joy at finding independence and maturity... Does this all make sense?

I forgot to add... Don't beat yourself up for misunderstanding your daughter. Teenagers are hard to understand when they're thinking normally, let alone when they've bottled up emotions. Maybe now you guys can start to understand each other better and learn to communicate what's inside.

This post has been edited by redchief on Jun 21 2006, 07:50 PM

Thank you Ed. Thank you. Seriously.
I sat down, we talked for a good half hour, I laid there, and she fell asleep in my arms, its good to have my little baby back.
I wish thse teenage years werent so hard on the both of us.
Between my 3 children I have burried 2 friends I cared very much about, and 3 that I just knew of. It worries me that my young children dealth wiht all that, my youngest dealing with the most pain.

I am sad and annoyed that I didnt realize it sooner, I wish I was paying closer attention, but I mean with 3 children, a job, a husband, and a life of my own, I guess in there somewhere is an excuse to why I didnt pick up on that.

I still feel awful, and I feel worse for yelling at her and washing her mouth out with soap, anything I cna do now to make it up to her?

You already have made it up to her. Stop beating yourself up. You're human and so is your daughter. Keep those lines of communication open. We talk about that a lot in these forums. Read back on some for some ideas.

Oh Gosh! I am in tears here. I am glad that you came to some information. Thanks to Ed for being there for you last night.

Wow! Take care.

Shes off to being herself now, she knows how much I love her, and that I wont ever leave if I have the choice. She now understands that terrible things happen, but there is life after them. Her sister also lost a friend at a young age, and she sat down and talked with her.

I cannot believe I forgot, she is very very quiet about it .She doesnt like to talk much, unless I bring it up. She doesnt wan to remember it at all. There is a picture of her and her friend in her room, but thats about it.

With her sister talked, she tried to talk about it more and more, in one day she brought it up about 3 times. Which is like amazing for her. I think this is good. She is talking to the family about what is really bothering her, which is good. Actually it is amazing.

Now a question, Its been 4 1/2 years, and the greving has seemed to just begin, how do i keep a healthy level of it? I dont want her to become too upset and like into it, and think only aobut it, but for so long she didnt think about it. And now, its all comming at her at once.

This post has been edited by Lizzie on Jun 22 2006, 08:48 PM

Grief has distinct stages, it may be that at the time she was unable to actually begin grieving because of her age, or that she got "stuck" in the denial phase. You can probably find some good books at the library that talk about helping someone through grief.

yeah, im really worried that something really bad is going on in her life and she feels she needs you to protect her. Do you think that there could of been any conflict or something to do with her dad? This may not be true but maybe you should talk to her about it.