meeting at the school today, their response

we went in, and they were all sitting there, the councelor, the psychologist and the principle and his teacher. They told us that they had re evaluated him and he scored even lower at a 44 and had previously scored a 65 at the on task test.
She told me that while she was watching him he put his head down on his desk and she couldnt be sure he was listening, and also that one time he got out a word find and did that while the teacher was talking. I asked her if he ever left his seat and she said no. I then told her that he had done exactly what we told him to do, if he felt he knew the material had his work done then he was to put his head down or do the word finds to keep from disrupting the class. He is bored! so he was doing just what we asked. She said ok then. they pulled out their notebooks and file folders and prepared to tell us what was going to be done to our kid, and I stopped them and told them that I wanted to talk about where we go from here. I told them that we had given this ample amount of time and have decided that this school is not a good fit for us or caleb. I told them that I had contacted the other school of choice and found out that the grade we wanted to put him in was open and could accept kids, and I wanted him transfered there at the end of the year. His councelor suggested we not move him now if we dont have to, he felt it woud have more serious effects. I told them that an independant dr had spoke to caleb and cleared him of ADHD and the anxiety and impulisve disorder that their people had suggested he has, and they got SUPPER defensive and tried to say they never said it, as that would be diagnosising him! DUH!!! wasnt that my point all along, they asked for the dr name and the test copies and I told them no. that since he was fine, I wanted none of this in his school record and it was not necessary for them to see it, I think they thought I was lying, but I dont care.
I also todl them about his night mares, how he has been hearing them talk, and they denied it. I said it really doesnt matter what has or hasnt been done at this point, its what he preceives has happened and what his huge imagination has turned it into. He has been harmed by this entire process, and all we asked for was help with his socialization. I regretted ever contacting them, the guidence councelor got smart with me, and told me he might be doing well now, but it woudl catch up with him and he would fail, and I said that it was that mentality that was prompting our desire to move him, because with an attitude like that, it was going to make him feel dumb and if he felt dumb wasnt that just asking for him to fulfill the proficy? If they convince him he is dumb wont he start to think he is and then act it? It made sense to me. I took dh along, and he was great. He told the prinicple about calebs reading level and math and spelling, and that he was not being challanged enough.
the principle again got up and walked out of our meeting, no explaination, just left and then came back and told us that there will be room to move caleb in the next year. so he will finish here 6 months and then be moved into third grade when his time comes to the new school.
I told them in the mean time, I wanted him to be encouraged, and challanged in the class room. I also said I wanted weekly written progress reports on how he is doing and how many tickets were pulled why. I also told the guidence councelor I wanted her to still make sure he was ok, but she wasnt to ask him about his discussions with his councelor as I told caleb those are private and he feels secure in talking to him. I dont want to disrupt that relationship.
I told her if she speaks to caleb I want an email telling me what about. i wanted to be informed of any issue immediately.
they agreed.
I think their hair was standing up when we left. I knew they were not happy we just took charge. I know they thought it was going to go much differently then that.
But I was ok with the outcome. I will be watching him super closely.

I guess my only thought now is, could I be being a blind parent, could a kid really score a 44 or what ever it was, and still really be ok. I mean if its not ADHD, could it be something else? I just hope we made the right decision. I hate second guessing myself. I know staying there in that school wasnt an option.

Please give it to me honestly if you do think I am being blind to an issue.
caleb will cont to see his councelor weekly.

I think the 44 was a fluke, and probably due to all the stress Caleb has been sensing. I'm really shocked at the school....I was hoping they'd change their tune when they realized you weren't just blindly accepting whatever they said and seeking TRULY professional opinions on your own.

I'm sure they weren't at all happy with you taking charge but you did the right thing...I think the main thing is to get Caleb in the right place emotionally to start off well at the new school and know him continuing to see this dr is going to help greatly.

thank you. I think I am just starting to second guess myself.
I know caleb is smart, I know he can handle the work so far because he is an honor roll student with out trying to be one, I think he needs to apply himself more .

I just hope they posion the new school against him.

WTG MOM!

It is sooo important to stick up for our children when they can't stick up for themselves and that is just what you did!

Sorry they didn't take a better tune! You are doing what you feel is best for him!!

Stacy, I think you did the absolute right thing. As was said already, we have to stand up for our kids... no one else will.
The fact that he is an honor roll student should be a red flag that some little test isn't quite showing the full picture here. Have you thought about maybe picking up a workbook or 2 that's at a 3rd grade level and seeing how he responds to it at home? Since he does the work even before the teacher tells them how, he lays his head down because he's done already... those are all signs that he's not being challenged enough.
Just a thought.
Before the new year starts I would possibly have a quick friendly chat with whoever his counselor will be at the new school... maybe discuss in a non-blaming way some of the issues you had and make sure s/he feels free to talk to you about anything that may come up during the year. That way anything the old school may decide to share will not seem as bad, if that makes sense.
Anyway, I hope you feel some relief now. I'm sure you've all been stressed out to the max.
You did good, mom.

I am so stressed and if I feel this way, you can imagine how poor caleb feels. He cant sleep. he is asking his 4 yr old brother to sleep with him.
he is just terrified.

I do those work books you can get at the book store, we are always doing the grade ahead. and I told the school that..but they didnt seem to want to do anything about testing him.

I am hoping to get a tour of the school soon, and take caleb with me..
and then at some point before the last day of school, take him to meet the new teacher and maybe the class..
or else let him play on the play ground or something with them one day..

I was debating on saying anything to the councelor at all, or telling them what we have been thru..do you think it would be best to let them get to know him on their own or to tell them about what has happened and see what they think?

I agree

((HUGS)) I'm glad you stood up to them at the school. I hope everything works out for you soon.

Besides Caleb hearing them talk about this at school, is he hearing you and your husband discussing this? I think some things are left in the dark until they get completely resolved so not to stress the kids out. I'm still trying to figure out how the neighbor was teasing him, how did he even know?

Again you mentioned something about it all being about socialization and schools are not responsible IMO for this. This is a parents job. Hopefully at the new school you will all be able to find things for him to do so he can be socialized more, things that don't involve sports.

((HUGS)) Hang in there. YOu are doing a great job, mom.

the neighbor boy was just put on the ADHD meds at the schools suggestion the parents. I think caleb might have mentioned to him that the school was thinking he had ADHH as he refers to it, he heard his Gym teacher and the homeroom teacher discussing it. he also over heard the psychologist come in and talk to the home room teacher regarding testing and how he was acting, and then he said the whisper and look right at him.
I think some of it he over heard and some of it, he has just blown way up in his head.
I am not saying he hasnt over heard any of it from us, but caleb is in school all day when dh is home with me and dh goes to work when caleb is home..
so he is rarely with us both..
we are trying to be so careful.

I didn expect the school to completely socialize him, what we talked about was with the move here and the majority of the population in his school being spanish speaking he was having language barriers as well as feeling insecure about making friends. I asked the school to help him FEEL better about what was going on at school, as well as check into some issues that some of the boys had been doing with him, like taking his shoes and running away with them. while my son spent the rest of the day in wet muddy socks for 8 hours! things like that.

we do take him to youthgroup and to church on sundays, but other then that we dont have younger kids in the neighborhood other then the one boy next door who doesnt always want to play with caleb because caleb isnt allowed to play MA video games, or watch rated R movies or do the "fun" stuff he gets to do.

we dont have any family here, and its been hard.
I asked for help to make sure he was dealing ok at school, and what they did was compound a problem and make it worse..

I am still going back and forth about taking him out now..and we have been discussing homeschooling although I am concerned this might seclude him more.

There doesn't have to be kids in YOUR neighborhood. We live out in the country, so there really isn't a "neighborhood" per se. Yes, the kids go to daycare in a subdivision out in the country, so they have a few kids to play with, but the majority of their "playdate" time is done by us driving them too and from where they need to go to have a playdate or bringing back to our house, etc. If Caleb has even just one friend, call up that parent and say "hey, can we do a playdate? How about you bring (or pick up) so and so over to our house and we'll bring him back at such and such time". We do this all the time. Stinks in some ways because we both work full time so what time we do have left, we'd rather not being doing this, but they are our kids so we do.

Does he not get invited to any birthday parties? Around here it's almost standard when the kids have birthday parties they invite the entire class - so the girls are invited to parties more than I'd like them too. This is a great way for kids to get to socialize AND the parents to socialize. I've gotten to know a lot of parents this way and it really helps.

If he knows no one at school, have a party yourself (for not apparent reason, doesn't have to be birthday) and invite the entire class. Give Caleb opportunities to really get to know others in his class and in his school.

I think it's VERY important for the kids and the parents to get involved with the school district in any way possible. I know I'd like to do more, but working full time doesn't allow me too. I'd like to be involved in PTC, but I just don't have the time, but I try to do as much as I can. I even joined a once a month stamping club that is all mothers from the girls school district.

It is apparent that the problems at the school or more academic, needing to challenge him more so he's not bored, etc, but it also sounds like he needs some confidence boosters and socialization is KEY in making him feel comfortable and confident at school. Especially since he's struggled with your move to the new area. It sounds like the school is pretty bad and maybe it is a good idea to move him out of there, but he's going to have confidence/comfortable issues at a new school, as well. We have to help them be comfortable at school as well as the school itself.

My parents never tried to be a part of my school at all. They never tried to get to know other parents, they never got involved in anything and I truly believe it hurt me. This is why I'm so gunho on getting involved myself. Ryan's dad was very involved in the school and he was very comfortable there. I never felt like I fit in ever since I moved there in 6th grade.

You can take my advice for what it's worth, just my opinion.

There doesn't have to be kids in YOUR neighborhood. We live out in the country, so there really isn't a "neighborhood" per se. Yes, the kids go to daycare in a subdivision out in the country, so they have a few kids to play with, but the majority of their "playdate" time is done by us driving them too and from where they need to go to have a playdate or bringing back to our house, etc. If Caleb has even just one friend, call up that parent and say "hey, can we do a playdate? How about you bring (or pick up) so and so over to our house and we'll bring him back at such and such time". We do this all the time. Stinks in some ways because we both work full time so what time we do have left, we'd rather not being doing this, but they are our kids so we do.

Does he not get invited to any birthday parties? Around here it's almost standard when the kids have birthday parties they invite the entire class - so the girls are invited to parties more than I'd like them too. This is a great way for kids to get to socialize AND the parents to socialize. I've gotten to know a lot of parents this way and it really helps.

If he knows no one at school, have a party yourself (for not apparent reason, doesn't have to be birthday) and invite the entire class. Give Caleb opportunities to really get to know others in his class and in his school.

I think it's VERY important for the kids and the parents to get involved with the school district in any way possible. I know I'd like to do more, but working full time doesn't allow me too. I'd like to be involved in PTC, but I just don't have the time, but I try to do as much as I can. I even joined a once a month stamping club that is all mothers from the girls school district.

It is apparent that the problems at the school or more academic, needing to challenge him more so he's not bored, etc, but it also sounds like he needs some confidence boosters and socialization is KEY in making him feel comfortable and confident at school. Especially since he's struggled with your move to the new area. It sounds like the school is pretty bad and maybe it is a good idea to move him out of there, but he's going to have confidence/comfortable issues at a new school, as well. We have to help them be comfortable at school as well as the school itself.

My parents never tried to be a part of my school at all. They never tried to get to know other parents, they never got involved in anything and I truly believe it hurt me. This is why I'm so gunho on getting involved myself. Ryan's dad was very involved in the school and he was very comfortable there. I never felt like I fit in ever since I moved there in 6th grade.

You can take my advice for what it's worth, just my opinion.

He has a few friends I hear their names more often then not.

He hasnt ever gotten a birthday invite. We were going to have his birthday party/sleep over but it was right when the swine flu hit the school hard, so it got canceled.

I think maybe a party for no reason might be a good idea.
I can get a closer look at the kids and also when he goes to the new school it might help set him off on the right foot.
Like a meet/greet party!
thanks Karen I like that idea.
and you are so right, his main issue is self confidence and knowing how to be himself and let kids like him for who he is.

I have been searching all day for ideas from the rec. center and the local YMCA to get him involved in something..but eliminating sports is hard!

Let me ask you, there is a girl his age he talks about and we met her parents once because they own the pizza shop we go to , is it ok to have play dates with boys and girls???

There doesn't have to be kids in YOUR neighborhood. We live out in the country, so there really isn't a "neighborhood" per se. Yes, the kids go to daycare in a subdivision out in the country, so they have a few kids to play with, but the majority of their "playdate" time is done by us driving them too and from where they need to go to have a playdate or bringing back to our house, etc. If Caleb has even just one friend, call up that parent and say "hey, can we do a playdate? How about you bring (or pick up) so and so over to our house and we'll bring him back at such and such time". We do this all the time. Stinks in some ways because we both work full time so what time we do have left, we'd rather not being doing this, but they are our kids so we do.

Does he not get invited to any birthday parties? Around here it's almost standard when the kids have birthday parties they invite the entire class - so the girls are invited to parties more than I'd like them too. This is a great way for kids to get to socialize AND the parents to socialize. I've gotten to know a lot of parents this way and it really helps.

If he knows no one at school, have a party yourself (for not apparent reason, doesn't have to be birthday) and invite the entire class. Give Caleb opportunities to really get to know others in his class and in his school.

I think it's VERY important for the kids and the parents to get involved with the school district in any way possible. I know I'd like to do more, but working full time doesn't allow me too. I'd like to be involved in PTC, but I just don't have the time, but I try to do as much as I can. I even joined a once a month stamping club that is all mothers from the girls school district.

It is apparent that the problems at the school or more academic, needing to challenge him more so he's not bored, etc, but it also sounds like he needs some confidence boosters and socialization is KEY in making him feel comfortable and confident at school. Especially since he's struggled with your move to the new area. It sounds like the school is pretty bad and maybe it is a good idea to move him out of there, but he's going to have confidence/comfortable issues at a new school, as well. We have to help them be comfortable at school as well as the school itself.

My parents never tried to be a part of my school at all. They never tried to get to know other parents, they never got involved in anything and I truly believe it hurt me. This is why I'm so gunho on getting involved myself. Ryan's dad was very involved in the school and he was very comfortable there. I never felt like I fit in ever since I moved there in 6th grade.

You can take my advice for what it's worth, just my opinion.

He has a few friends I hear their names more often then not.

He hasnt ever gotten a birthday invite. We were going to have his birthday party/sleep over but it was right when the swine flu hit the school hard, so it got canceled.

I think maybe a party for no reason might be a good idea.
I can get a closer look at the kids and also when he goes to the new school it might help set him off on the right foot.
Like a meet/greet party!
thanks Karen I like that idea.
and you are so right, his main issue is self confidence and knowing how to be himself and let kids like him for who he is.

I have been searching all day for ideas from the rec. center and the local YMCA to get him involved in something..but eliminating sports is hard!

Let me ask you, there is a girl his age he talks about and we met her parents once because they own the pizza shop we go to , is it ok to have play dates with boys and girls???

I think it's fine. Both girls have play dates with boys as well as girls.

I can't believe your local Y doesn't have art classes, science classes, things like that. I thought almost all Y's do. Ours does.

Again, I'd stress when he starts the new school to do more activities there and not just at the Y. Join the PTC. Help do some events at the school. Join a mom club of other mothers in your school district - alot of times the kids play while moms chat. Things like that.

GL!