Stepson problem, doesn't know boundaries

My husband and I have been married for about 10 months. His son who is 11 comes to visit us every other weekend. In addition, I have two daughters ages 11 and 9 who live with me. Their bio father has been out of our lives for several years and I don't communicate with him, I have full custody.

Recently my older daughter came to me upset when I got home from work. She told me that the boy had invaded her privacy by not knocking and walking in on her while she was in the shower. I have been letting dh handle his discipline to avoid any 'step-issues' so, angry though I was, I spoke with dh and he was supposed to handle it. He assured me it wouldn't happen again.

Well it happened again over the weekend. My daughter reported that he said 'he can do whatever he wants because his father is in charge.' My husband was not around at the time so I grabbed him and pulled his pants down in front of the girls and spanked him good. I rarely spank my children because I think it is wrong, but I was just so angry that this happened again.

My husband was upset at first and forgave me and said he understood, but his ex-wife has left me several ugly voicemails at work. His stepson will be back, and I am wondering what I should do with the voicemails and the brat. I have always been against putting locks on doors but maybe it's my only option at this point. WWYD I would really appreciate your advice.

Sheila

honestly everything I have read and heard on tv, and dr phil , says that after the age of 3, a step parent can not dicipline the child, it has to be biological parent.
if your dh isnt going to do that, well then you have an issue to deal with there.

he is a little old for a spanking in my opinion, and what he did, might be out of curiousity about girls, so your dh might want to think about having a talk with him about that aspect of this situation also.

can you instruct your dgts. to lock the door when they are dressing or going into the bath to have their privacy?

if there is anyway you and dh and probably his ex can sit down and determine what type of punishment you can all agree on in the long run you have a better chance of getting the boy to listen and respect your rules.

I wish you all the luck blended families are hard.

IMO you went too far. I could see taking the tv, video games and other privileges away until his dad got home but to pull his pants down in front of his sisters to spank him is a bit much. Why did you do it in FRONT of the girls? Doesn't that cross the same privacy line you were trying to punish him for to begin with?

I don't know where that line is with discipline with step parents but maybe it's time to sit down with your hubby and his ex wife and discuss it. I know I personally would not want the step parent on either side handling physical punishment.. but that's just me.

Good luck.

This post has been edited by Calimama on Sep 29 2008, 03:53 PM

IMO you went too far. I could see taking the tv, video games and other privileges away until his dad got home but to pull his pants down in front of his sisters to spank him is a bit much. Why did you do it in FRONT of the girls? Doesn't that cross the same privacy line you were trying to punish him for to begin with?

I don't know where that line is with discipline with step parents but maybe it's time to sit down with your hubby and his ex wife and discuss it. I know I personally would not want the step parent on either side handling physical punishment.. but that's just me.

Good luck.

I completely agree!!

You all are right. I just lost my temper. I did it in front of my dd's so he would be embarassed like my dd was. I will talk to dh when he gets home.

Any advice on handling the ex wife and her emails?

Thanks

It's hard to admit sometimes, that's a great start

As a step mom myself, we've had our share of discipline "issues"....the best advice I can give is for you and DH to make sure you're on the same page. I don't agree that you can't discipline him, you and your husband have to be a united front. House rules are house rules, no difference between you enforcing them or him. Anything beyond that though probably should be handled by your DH although he does need to make clear to his son that you are to be respected and listened to.

As for the ex wife, I have to admit I'd be ticked too, I think your best bet is to suck it up, tell her you were out of line and apologize.

I agree, I hope things get better!!

Well I called the ex wife to apologize. To my surprise, she was very understanding after my apology. It turned out that my husband had not talked to her about the first incident. She told me my dss would be punished by her if this type of thing happened again.

I also talked with dh and we decided that we would both be in charge of discipline in the future. My girls are so well behaved I know it won't be an issue with them, and they adore their stepfather. Good advice, everyone!

Sheila

What was the reason for dropping his pants in front of the girls? Now that shows me your no better then what he did to your daughter sorry but JMO

So why dont your daughter just lock the bathroom door not that she should have to but hey if it keeps him out why not.