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Parenting Club Forums > Postpartum Depression > Is it depression or just lonelyness?

Posted by: littlemissrose08 Feb 8 2010, 05:10 AM

Hi, I am a 22 year old mother with a 2 year old and another one on the way. I live with my partner who is 11 years older, yet i feel the most lonelyess i have ever felt. We have recently moved towns, since my partner is always off fishing and has made heaps of new friends, and i always seem to be home alone with my daughter. Even when he is home i cant seem to talk to him and tell him how i feel cause he just doesnt understand or doesnt want to hear it. I havent yet been able to find a way for me to make new friends, as i cant yet get into any kinds of sports, as i am pregnant and everything i do i have my daughter with me.
I have been thinking heaps latelly about how my life is going to be after the new baby is born, i will be tied down even more. How am i going to make new friends and get a life outside of motherhood? I have searched everywhere to find out about mothers groups and that sort of stuff but yet no luck. I have suffered with depression in the past and im not quiet sure if this is a case of it? If there is anyone in a similar boat than i am, please feel free to message me cause i am in need of people to talk to.

Posted by: PrairieMom Feb 8 2010, 06:16 AM

well, this is a good place for conversation.

Have you looked into toddler play groups? that could be a good way to meet other mommies. Something like Kindermusik, or there is a gymnastics type one too, gymboree? something like that. Or is there a local church that has a MOPS group? ( Mothers of preschoolers) it says preschool, but it is really birth through preschool. My group provides child care, so it is just mommy time, and they have outtings and stuff for the kids too.

Posted by: jcc64 Feb 8 2010, 07:35 AM

Hi and welcome. To answer your question about whether your feelings are depression or loneliness, to me it sounds like a little of both. I remember feeling just like you are when my kids were the same ages, though I had a full time job to keep me "connected" with the outside world. I think it's vital that you have something besides motherhood to focus some of your energies on. As gratifying as being a mommy is, you're expressing a very normal desire to have a fuller life. If you can't find a play group, why not take up a sport, go to the gym, even do a little part time job or volunteering after your dh gets home or on the w/e's. There are lots of ways to meet new people, but if you're lacking the motivation or the energy to do so, despite your feelings of isolation and loneliness, then I think you may want to look at the possibility that your depression might be holding you back. Everybody seems to go through it at one time or another, and there's no shame in seeking out help. It may be what you need to make the positive changes you're looking for in your life.
Best of luck, and welcome to this site. You'll find a lot of really nice people here.

Posted by: MommyToAshley Feb 8 2010, 07:37 AM

Welcome! I agree, this is a great place for conversation and friendship.

But, it shouldn't replace real-life relationships. I would start with your husband. Who is he spending his time with? Are they all single people, or are they married with families too? Maybe you could suggest getting the families together.

Moms groups are also a great place to meet other Moms. It's so much easier to keep a friendship with someone who has kids a similar age just out of convenience, and they better understand what you are going through.

I agree with Jeanne, if you lack the motivation to even try to meet others, then I would talk to your doctor, especially if you have a history of depression.

It's nice to meet you, I hope you stick around so we can get to know you better.