Now he is all she wants. Either of them for that matter. He is a good dad.
As for what its like being a dad I wouldnt know. But I am sure you will do just fine.
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| Parenting Club Forums > Fatherhood > What's it like |
| Posted by: salmndr007 Jun 7 2006, 10:25 AM |
| So, what is it like being a dad? I know that is kind of a loaded question, but seriously, with your first, what is some good advice for us father-to-be's? What should we watch out for and what should we expect? Ladies, feel free to comment on things that you did so that we also know what to look forward to our SOs doing. Man, PC is awesome. I can't thank the Mods enough for making this place feel so much like home. |
| Posted by: lisar Jun 7 2006, 10:35 AM |
| The advice I gave my DH was to be patient. And to help me with the night feedings and other lil minor stuff. I never pushed the baby on him he was kinda scared of her at first she was only 3lbs. So he was really nervous. Now he is all she wants. Either of them for that matter. He is a good dad. As for what its like being a dad I wouldnt know. But I am sure you will do just fine. |
| Posted by: Kaitlin'smom Jun 7 2006, 11:01 AM |
| patience, support and help out with anything you can to make the trasition easier, like housework, fetching dipers, cooking ect. Most of all enjoy every minutue you can sleeping now, later enjoy every minute you can of the baby, they grow up WAY to fast. |
| Posted by: salmndr007 Jun 7 2006, 11:05 AM | ||
OK, got the cooking down (check)...on to the next step...housework |
| Posted by: kit_kats_mom Jun 7 2006, 11:09 AM |
| Some quotes I've heard from my DH and some things that he has done and still does to be the best dad around IMO. with your first, what is some good advice for us father-to-be's? -don't be afraid to wear your heart on your sleeve during delivery. My DH, the big strapping fella that he is, cried like a baby when both girls were born. It was a beautiful thing to see his love written all over his face. -Be involved and educated. Not for your wifes sake but for your own. My DH has pride in being able to spout off the benefits of breastfeeding and sling wearing. He and I have made joint decisions about child rearing styles. He isn't afraid to change a diaper, feed or bathe a kid and he takes them off of my hands at least a few times a week to give me a bit of me time. Usually he takes them to the grocery store after dinner for those items that we always run out of. It's also given him confidence in his fathering ability. He knows he can quiet a fussy baby and put her to bed. He had to do it when I was hospitalized and I'm so proud of him. He truly values the times spent on the floor playing stuffed animals or tickle town with the girls and he gives them their baths everynight (lots more splashing than I'd allow so he's the parent of choice for bathtime). He will also nap with them on the weekends. He says there is nothing better than a faceful of 4 tiny feet. What should we watch out for and what should we expect? -I don't know what your feeding choice is (nursing or bottle feeding) but you can get involved either way. If she's nursing, learn all you can about it and be her cheerleader when the going gets tough. Many moms quit early due to normal issues and that doesn't need to be the case. If bottle feeding, pitch in. -watch out for the baby and the mom. that's about it. If mom's looking like she needs to take a break, let her. Try to help with the housework for a few weeks at least and maybe take it upon yourself to start up a convo about chores that must be done and divvy them up together. Lastly, don't feel bad if you don't feel "connected" with the child at first. My DH finally admitted to "loving but being kind of scared" of newborns. They do seem pretty fragile and kinda boring really. LOL He gets more of a kick when they are starting to mimic you and stuff. It's hard to feel connected if mom is doing all of the feeding and putting to sleep. Not a biggie. It will come. The fact that you are asking these questions leads me to believe that you don't have anything to worry about. You will be an awesome dad.  |
| Posted by: kayla's mama Jun 7 2006, 11:44 AM |
| I have to agree with Cary 100% From my personal experience. If she is crying do not say to her...."what are you crying about this time" Just be patient with the moods and hormonal changes. Be involved in the delivery. DH was the best coach around. We played Jimmy Buffet and it really seemed to lighten the mood of the room. ASK questions about what is going on. Be her voice. When you get home. Help with the night feedings, diaper changes, etc. One thing my DH did was he pressured me into breastfeeding. I was already having problems with it and he just manifested those problems by nagging me. Just support her but not nag. I think you'll be a great daddy, from what I've seen you are a great DH too. |
| Posted by: luvmykids Jun 7 2006, 11:45 AM | ||
Great advice!  With mom being so primary in the beginning months, it's hard sometimes for dad to squeeze in or feel included but it will come. My only advice is a repeat, just keep an eye out for the things you can do to help her, even the smallest things like calling before you come home to see if you need to stop at the store, or putting a glass of water by the bed for her when you go to sleep. It takes a while to feel "normal" again and the rapid hormone changes, lack of sleep, recovering from delivery, etc. can sneak up on a girl! I have no doubt about it, you'll be a fantastic dad and you will both find your groove. Just try to be patient with each other and keep in mind that it's a huge adjustment for both of you. Oh-one more thing. After I had the twins DH was grouchy and I asked him what was wrong, he snapped back "I'm tired! What do you think is wrong?" Don't ever do that, you will be sorry!  |
| Posted by: salmndr007 Jun 7 2006, 12:29 PM |
| Thanks for the encouragement. I am so excited that I can't wait for her to be here. I can't wait for the mostly sleepless nights and the challenge of trying to quiet her |
| Posted by: MyLuvBugs Jun 7 2006, 01:17 PM |
| So, what is it like being a dad? I don't really know, but I can tell you that being a dad or mom means being there with your whole heart. You can't just go halfsies into parenthood. It's all or nothing, and you'll totally understand that when the nurse or Dr. hands you that little baby for the first time. It's amazing!!  what is some good advice for us father-to-be's? I agree with the other ladies. Jessi isn't going to be in the mood to do much of anyting when she comes home from the hospital. Plus you'll both start to get a little sleep deprived. So, be patient with each other. Try to help out with chores around the house. And DEFINATELY don't be afraid to ask friends or family for help if you and Jessi need some sleep. A big thing too is the drop in hormones after baby is born. PPD is a big problem with some of us gals, so just be super supportive. Let her cry when she feels like crying, and tell her that shes a great mom every day. We all like hearing that.  What should we watch out for and what should we expect? Dude! Expect the unexpected.  When it comes to a kid, there is no amount of learning that can prepare you enough IMO! lol So key things: -Girls can and will pee all over you just like a little boy while changing diapers. -Baby's first poopies are REALLY sticky icky and black as the ace of spades. -Breastfeeding (if you're planning on it) isn't always easy or pain free. -Babies have their own schedules! And it's a booger to try and change them sometimes. -The embilical cord will turn BLACK and fall off, but until it falls off it will look nasty. -Spit up and vomit....expect it everyday and never expect to leave the house clean ever again. -ALWAYS pack a diaper bag with plenty of diapers and a change of clothes for baby. Somedays, you go through lots of diapers in a short amount of time. lol -Gas relief medicine like Mylacon is your best friend when baby has gas. And so is a swing for those long sleepless nights. |
| Posted by: luvmykids Jun 7 2006, 01:20 PM | ||
Oh yeah, I kept a shoebox in the trunk with the bare essentials (travel size wipes, a few diapers, clean onesie, spit up rage) in case I ever forgot the diaper bag. Which I did! |
| Posted by: TANNER'S MOM Jun 8 2006, 08:10 AM |
| Well I have to say..take those quite moments and remember them..cause they are few and far between! The first time I saw my Dh..hold our son brought me to tears. The first time Tanner laid on his chest.. bare skinned and was just against his father's heart.. I cried then too. Now when I see my Dh.. have a quite moment with the kids.. where he loves them in his way those tears just come. Don't be afraid.. cause it's all about love. It's about your and her growing into a big family..that is complete now. Just be supportive and be loving. Tell her I don't knwo what I am doing..just tell me what you need! Cry if you need too.and know that you aren't the only ones... #1 Rule..Change the poop...and the pee.. You don't get to choose!..lol |
| Posted by: TheOaf66 Jun 8 2006, 08:12 AM |
| well, help out as much as you can Don't be scared around your child to pick it up, feed, etc there really is no preparation, you just take it as it comes |
| Posted by: DVFlyer Jun 8 2006, 08:18 AM |
| I was going to mention the "connected" thing. I did not have an "Ah HAH!" moment. It was more of an "oh crap, this is really serious now" thing, when the baby was born. Soon enough, though, I grew into a love for my daughter (and now my son) that I never thought. For me, it was when we started to "communicate". And when she started to react to things I did. Whether it was looking my way when I called her name or when I made her laugh by making a goofy face, these little "milestones" for me started to create "our" connection. It seems like all babies are different and the same. They almost all cry when they are hungry or tired or sick or just feel like crying.... but then you find someone who says, "my baby never cried". Here's a quick (ok, not so quick) summary. You'll change diapers too much and not enough. You'll feed them too much and not enough. They'll gain too much weight and not enough. You'll think they are sick when they are not and you'll think they are ok when they are sick. You'll think you're being too rough with them but when they fall off the bed, you'll realize how resilient they actually are. You'll feel bad when other people can make them stop crying when you can't, but will understand that it's YOUR child and that makes you happy. You'll learn that nothing you do is really going to make a difference, but you'll realize that you can never stop trying because you are responsible for this little person.... and it may scare you. You'll soon realize that you won't stop trying because you LOVE this child. You'll start to think about saving for THEIR future. You'll start thinking about what they will be. You'll wonder what they will look like when they are older. In the end, you'll wonder how in the world you are ever going to make this new adventure a success, but deep down, you'll understand that none of that matters as long as you LOVE this child... which you now realize you do... more than anything else in the world. Best wishes. |
| Posted by: redchief Jun 8 2006, 08:52 PM |
| What is it like to be a dad? Well, at first it's scary. I mean, pee your pants, WTH did I get into this for scary. For the first few weeks mom and baby are bonding and it seems like the only time you get with your new son or daughter is when he/she is super-cranky and mom can't take it anymore. But fairly quickly you'll find out where you are going to be in standing with your baby, and a relationship will grow from that. In retrospect, the type of bond I had with all of our babies was a little different and carried into adulthood/teen years. To Rick I'm dad, counselor, the guy he most wants to be like. To John I'm dad, shoulder to cry on, the man who understands him most by misunderstanding for much of his life. To Erin I'm dad, the rock, the person who always says the right things to make life okay. To Kaitlin I'm dad, the guy she most likes to spend quiet time with and the person with whom doing silly little things is perfectly normal and fun. I've often wondered what kind of dad I would have been had I waited until I was more firmly set financially. Instead of money, I gave them all myself, as well as I could while working two full time jobs. It has enabled me to get to know them, and hopefully they see me as the kind of dad they want. |
| Posted by: salmndr007 Jun 9 2006, 05:10 AM | ||
Funny thing. Ed, your post was amazing and then it hit me....no matter what role you play with each child, there is one thing that remains the same throughout....you are DAD. And there is nothing more special than that. I must say...ladies, I am begining to understand all these emotions flying around...one moment I am reading and laughing, then I stop and think about it for a split second and begin to cry...sitting here at my desk at work...geez...i am such a dork...lol |
| Posted by: TheOaf66 Jun 9 2006, 10:15 AM | ||
not at all, when it comes to your kids you can't really be a dork, nothing wrong with emotions...the first time my son looked at me, gave me a hug, and said "I love you daddy" I wanted to cry |
| Posted by: redchief Jun 12 2006, 06:32 PM | ||||
Well said. In truth, I've been "dorky dad" at times too, but I'm pretty sure my kids love me for who I am as much as I'm proud of who each of them has become. One thing I remember from when they were babies was this. When I came home from work my second stop was the crib, or playpen, or wherever he/she was (first stop was kiss Lisa hello... priorities you know). I'd then clean up and we'd have daddy time for a while before dinner. Sometimes that meant playing, sometimes just sitting quietly, sometimes reading. That grows into helping with homework (a chore I used to abhore, but grew to love as we shared learning experiences), taking walks and being involved in organized sports. As I write this, my eyes are watering a little. I miss my little kids, though I'm very proud of who they've become, I still miss the babies. |
| Posted by: luvmykids Jun 12 2006, 10:18 PM |
| Another 2 cents from me, based on what Ed said about finances, nothing, and I mean nothing, not toys not extravagant bday parties not clothes, nothing, replaces YOU and your time. Boy or girl, but little girls soooo crave their daddy in a different way. Stuff that means the world to girls, or mine anyway: Silly stuff, like tea parties with stuffed elephants, makeovers with glitter eyeshadow, fashion shows, and not so silly stuff like telling her how pretty her hair looks or what a great outfit she picked out by herself (even if the shirt is orange, the skirt is purple, the tights are plaid and the shoes are pink!). And I think it's important for a dad to teach a daughter how she should expect to be treated by men later, and to teach her to catch and throw and run fast so she knows girls don't have to live in a box of femininity. I can tell Kylie how pretty she looks and she says "Thanks" but if daddy says it she lights up and says "Do you really think so? You like my hair like this? Did you notice my purse?" The girly stuff is expected from mom but extra special when shared with daddy. |
| Posted by: redchief Jun 13 2006, 08:23 AM | ||
^^^ Much better said than I ever could have. ^^^ |
| Posted by: TheOaf66 Jun 13 2006, 08:27 AM |
| that is something I could get used to if I had a daughter |
| Posted by: redchief Jun 13 2006, 08:30 AM | ||
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| Posted by: My2Beauties Jun 13 2006, 10:58 AM |
Gosh you guys you're all making me wanna bawl!  It makes me think about how Hanna always always goes to Brian for the most part for fun time, he tickles her with his chin under her neck and she absolutely loves it, he lets her eat more popsicles than I do and she just has this thing for her daddy! It's really special and so wonderful to watch them together! |
| Posted by: luvbug00 Jun 14 2006, 04:06 AM |
| Oh this is soo sweet! |
| Posted by: Ashlynn's Mommy Jun 14 2006, 04:58 AM |
Let your wife or S/O how much you appreciate her everyday. Try to do as much of the night feedings as you can. Patience, and understanding. Be their for her when she needs to vent, because we all know new mothers, and mothers in general need to vent sometimes, and we want someone there to listen to us, not to judge us.  |
| Posted by: salmndr007 Jun 14 2006, 06:28 AM |
| Thanks again for all of the input. Last night was so much fun...Jess and I were laying in bed and Bella was kicking like crazy, so every time I felt a foot on my finger I pushed back and she would kick again...it was amazing. Then Jess said..."yea, you are not the one being kicked and poked!" LOL...i was cracking up |
| Posted by: TheOaf66 Jun 14 2006, 06:45 AM |
| oh you just wait, it gets more fun right at the end and you will see all five fingers go across her belly, kinda freaky at first but then you remember what is in there and it is really cool |
| Posted by: redchief Jun 14 2006, 08:11 AM | ||
There's another thing I've talked about with other new dads I thought I would share. I don't know if you're planning on BF for your child or formula; and to me it doesn't matter (though there are parents on PC who DO feel strongly one way and another, I ask that you reserve that for another forum  Thanks). Lisa BF all of our kids and the question I always got was, "Well she's BF'ing, I can't help with the feeding, so what can I do in the middle of the night?"Here's what I did. When she cried, I got up and brought her to mom after a quick diaper check. If the diaper needed attention, I took care of that. Then I'd comfort her and tell her how much I love her as I brought her to mom for feeding. While she was feeding I napped. When she was done I had Lisa wake me and the baby and I would go into the living room for rocking and cuddling until she was back asleep. I had a lot of really looonnnggg work days after some of the 2 - 3 times up nights, but I loved the quiet time I got to have with my sons and daughters. Those were the times I learned the most about their individual personalities. Even when they weren't ready to go back to sleep, and that's all I really wanted, in retrospect, I'd do it all that way again. |
| Posted by: kalimajerin Jun 14 2006, 08:18 AM |
| I have to say you sound very sweet and involved.......I think thats the most important thing, to be involved, to be appreciative of everything your wife does for you and your new bundle of joy. As much as it may seem easy... it is very difficult to raise children and keep house and cook and do laundry. It so nice to hear, wow babe the house looks great, or you are such a good mom, or anything like that, it just feels great!!! My husband is always thanking me for everything including having his 2 daughters, its just so sweet. Another peice of advice, even though you work all day, she will be too, so give her time for a bath or shower every day, she will need some time for herself, as mothers we tend to put ourselves last, remind her that she needs a brake to. Last but not least appreciate every moment with your little one as they grow up way to fast.........way to fast!!! Enjoy being a daddy, I'm sure you are gonna love it. |