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Parenting Club Forums > General Relationships > Daddy Problems

Posted by: wcs40110 Jul 5 2008, 05:16 PM

So since Jeremy and I split up he has had D every weekend. He was stopping by once or so a week and taking her to the park or whatever. We agreed that we dont want to go through friend of the court unless we HAVE to because
1. they suck.
2. they cost money (court fees etc)
3. I dont think the amounts they have parent pay are fair... and other reasons...

So we agreed on him giving me half the daycare and if i needed diapers or whatever I could call him. Well, imagin this, stupid me hasn't got any money in like 2.5 months, plus he owes me from his phone since its a 'family share plan'

THEN this weekend he calls me on Thurs because he was watching her friday because I worked and he didnt. He asks me if I know anyone who can watch her for the weekend because him and his new g/f want to go up north. I told him I could cover fri night but not sat. (yeah, i had to cancel my plans with my boyfriend when that sitter bailed)

well, fri he comes and drops her off. I ask him whos watching her sat, he says he doesnt know. I told him he might want to figure it out before he leaves. he gets all pissy because I dont know anyone who can watch her. It ended with him telling me he would go back and stop by on the way through to drop off her diaper bag and stuffed animal. As he walked out I couldnt help it, i took let out a blow and said 'just go have fun with your new family'

He comes flyin back in askin me what i meant by that. i told him whatever leave. he asks again. I say "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" he looked at me for a min and said 'just remember your the who called it quits' and walks out.

ok, his g/f is 11 years older than him which isnt really a big deal but hes 24. She has 3 kids, the two youngest being like 7 and 3. He has to take them to bible camp, whatever before he comes and gets our kid on the weekend. Its like D is second rate now. Like he has his new family he doesnt need her. i know it wasnt nice to say but i couldnt help it.

I really dont know what to do. I had to call into work for Sunday because I dont have a sitter. So not only is he not giving me my money (he says he owes a lot of people money blah blah blah) but hes COSTING me money. I found him a sitter last weekend too. I thought he was going to be so awesome about seeing his baby its sad.

Posted by: luvmykids Jul 5 2008, 06:41 PM

I'm sorry, I'd highly recommend that you do go through the courts if he isn't going to keep his word

Posted by: MommyToAshley Jul 6 2008, 05:20 AM

I'm sorry.

I agree, you need to get something legal in writing from the courts.

Posted by: Teesa®© Jul 6 2008, 06:36 AM

I'm sorry, hon.

I'd seriously consider cutting him off the phone, too, so you don't have to pay for him.

You could try sitting down with him one-on-one and explain to him that D is his child, too and he needs to find a way to balance seeing her as well. His new G/F has no right to step in between him and his daughter and that's what you see is going on. Explain how you're worried D is missing out and not only is she hurting not seeing her Daddy, but HE'S missing out, too. Tell him that he's a good dad and you don't want anything to ruin that relationship. It'll bite him in the butt in the long run.

When he has D, it's HIS responsibility to find a sitter, not YOU. If he can't find one, then it's HIS plans that get put on hold, not YOUR'S. He needs to figure this out and if he can't, then you'll have no choice but to go to court and they'll figure it out FOR HIM. Which would he prefer? Making his own plans or being forced by a court??

Keep your calm through everything you tell him. Don't lose your cool, even if you have to bite your tongue. Make him think that you're doing this for HIM - if he's like some men, he'll be more receptive if he thinks it's for him. You'll know what works, you know him.

Good luck with it

Posted by: luvbug00 Jul 6 2008, 08:27 AM

I tried the non legal way with brad too. trying to avoid court. But truth is i lost more money going that way then saving money. He is still behind in CS and you need to protect your child and not worry about what is inconvienent to him. Take him ot court get the paperwork and if he doesnt pay still , follow up and let him suffer the conciquences. You have your child to take care of NOT him.

Posted by: mommymommy Jul 8 2008, 07:32 AM

I am so sorry for what you are going through...
I would speak to your child's father again and let him know exactly what needs to be done and how he needs to keep his word etc..No arguing..if that is possible, just speaking about what is in the best interest of your child..If this doesn't work, then yes, going to court is the best option I am sorry to say..
I wish you luck