, ok this makes no sence to me , because technicaly there not single , i dunno i dont understand , one on my friends is fixing to walk out because she wants a commitment and feels shes wasting her time.. | Printable Version of Topic
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| Parenting Club Forums > General Relationships > ok i need help to understand |
| Posted by: abunky Apr 16 2008, 05:37 AM |
| ok , so speaking of marrage and other things..i have several close friends who are in a serious relationship , they have been with there BF for 6 even 8 years , but the men dont want to get married..when i asked the men why they said because i like being single , ok this makes no sence to me , because technicaly there not single , i dunno i dont understand , one on my friends is fixing to walk out because she wants a commitment and feels shes wasting her time.. |
| Posted by: lisar Apr 16 2008, 05:44 AM |
| I have heard of alot of men doing this. Is it maybe because they are young. My ex (the sperm donor) his gf before me split because he wouldnt give her a comitment. However when I got pg he split. But now they are together and married with a child. So I guess he grew up for say. But I think alot of me think like this. |
| Posted by: jcc64 Apr 16 2008, 07:31 AM |
| She should force the issue, imo. It sounds like he's getting all of his needs met satisfactorily, and she obviously wants more. If he isn't willing to commit, not a good sign, imo. Tell her not to waste the best years of her dating life. I've seen a few of my gfs waste time in dead end relationships, and now they're 40, childless, and alone. |
| Posted by: luvmykids Apr 16 2008, 08:11 AM | ||
Ditto. There comes a time to do it or don't....If these guys don't know by now if a woman is "the one", odds are she's not and they're just having their cake and eating it too. |
| Posted by: danahas4monkeys Apr 16 2008, 08:45 AM |
| When my now dh and I first got together he didn't want to get married and I just assumed he didn't want to right then which was ok because I had just gotten out of a really bad marriage and was in no hurry to marry myself so we just lived together but as time went on I realized he meant "never get married " we had been together for almost 5 years and I simply said "We either get married or cut our losses and move on that I didn't want to be in a relationship that wasn't going forward" he said fine and I moved out for a while he quickly saw the life he had with me and my kids was the life he wanted all along and his stupid pride just got in the way. We got back together I moved back in and a year and a baby later we got married lol. ( that part was my stupid pride lol I didn't want him to marry me just because I had gotten pregnant I had to know he wanted to anyway) We have now been together almost 11 yrs next month and married for almost 5 in July! We have 4 great kids and life is good. I don't like giving ultimatums but sometimes its the only thing that works! |
| Posted by: Boys r us Apr 16 2008, 08:53 AM |
| I wouldn't stand for that! I'm glad it sounds like at least one of your friends is fixing to put an end to the situation. I mean if both people are fine with their relationship and don't want marriage for some reason..then that's up to them and I could care less! But I hate when women let men string them along like that, I mean if you live with someone and you have been dating them for 7 years or whatever, then you're pretty much married..except you have an escape route b/c you're not legally married! you can pick up and leave any time you want. That to me is the difference and must be what a lot of men like this are thinking! |
| Posted by: kimberley Apr 16 2008, 10:14 AM |
| ITA! any relationship should be mutually satisfying. i know a couple who are in their late 40's, never married, together for 15yrs and happy. they enjoy their own homes and spending time together. it works for them because they both want it. once you have one partner wanting something else, it's time to break out the ultimatum or walking shoes. |
| Posted by: DVFlyer Apr 16 2008, 11:28 AM |
| If she wants to get married and he doesn't, that is reason enough to break up. In a divorce proceeding, that would be called "irreconcilable differences". I hear more about men who don't want to get married than woman. One reason may be that there is really no benefit for a man to get married. Most men could have the same relationship without being married as they would with... maybe that could be said about women too?? |
| Posted by: jcc64 Apr 17 2008, 07:56 AM |
| Not sure about that. Dh and I dated and then lived together for several years before getting married. We never really discussed marriage officially, but it was clearly an exclusive, committed relationship. We could have easily stayed that way indefinitely- had kids, bought a house, the whole nine yds, and in our eyes, been married, though not in the legal sense. However, it was extremely important to my parents that we get married, and tbh, we were treated with more respect after we got married. Our culture favors marriage over co-habitation in every way. So, we did it for our parents, for the tax breaks, for the health insurance, but in our eyes, nothing really changed at all. |