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| Parenting Club Forums > Parenting Your Teenager > Rules |
| Posted by: Kelly Jan 26 2011, 12:19 PM |
| I spent about 30 minutes going through old posts seeing what I am up against with my two siblings. It all scares me. Most posts here seem to be about 2 years old or more. Hopefully some of the same people are on here and now the kids are Jason's and Sarah's age or older. Jason and Sarah where bounced around from home to home well they where rowing up so I took them about 6 months ago. SO far all that we do is but heads. They are not the best behaved and I knew that when they came here. RIght now Jason and Cody share a room but that is not going to last. WE are fixing up a room for Jason. I think at his age he would do better in his own room. I am going to be moving Kayla and Chase in with Cody. Anyways these two are use to a lot of freedom and I am having a hard time figuring out what I should and shouldn't let them do. They are not responsible. I really don't blame them though because they have had no stability in their lives. I guess I should start with what ground rules would be good for this age group. I know I am going to have so many questions about these two. This is the main reason I looked for this site. |
| Posted by: my2monkeyboys Jan 26 2011, 01:54 PM |
| I don't have teenagers yet, but I will help any way I can. I think you're right in setting some ground rules as soon as possible. I'd also let them know what the consequences are if they are broken. I think if you sit them down and really talk to them in a way that is respectful and show love that they will at least know in their hearts that you are not the bad guy, even if they act that way to begin with. I hope some others will come on soon - since Facebook got so big it's a little sparse around here. |
| Posted by: kimberley Jan 26 2011, 02:20 PM |
| ground rules are essential at this age. it doesn't matter how they were raised til now, what matters is that you are consistent with YOUR HOUSE rules. they will rebel and hate it at first but will eventually have to accept that's just how things roll in your house lol. it's like school.. they know the rules, they follow them there but not anywhere else unless enforced. my boys are 12 and 14. some of our rules are below: respect privacy (knock on closed doors, don't touch stuff w/o asking) bed at 10pm (ok to read or listen to music but no phone, tv, internet) always tell me where they are keep room tidy/ do chores and homework share (this is a big deal with 5 kids in a house. tv wars happen quickly) no gaming during school week any physical violence results in 1 wk grounding if they follow the rules in the week, they usually have free reign on the weekend and they appreciate it. another rule of thumb for me personally... never dish out more punishment than you can dish out in love. always explain why they are in trouble and tell them the choice was wrong but you still love them. |
| Posted by: Kelly Jan 27 2011, 04:23 AM | ||
Is that what is killing all the message boards. I have tried a couple and ether people are very judgmental (which is why I tend to babble), or there is very little traffic, or there is all moms with young kids so the teen help is not out there. Maybe everyone will come back and talk to me. So far I have had some kind of answer in a short period of time. The problem with facebook is that you have all the same people and all the people I know have young kids or just tell me how I am always wrong. My family likes to judge people and tell them allt he things the are doing wrong. That is why I stopped using mine. |
| Posted by: amymom Jan 27 2011, 04:28 AM |
| Kelly I have two teens too. I don't know what it would be like to have taken in my brother and sister when they were teens. My advice to you is consistency! good Luck with everything. |
| Posted by: Kelly Jan 27 2011, 04:34 AM | ||
Good set of rules. What Is Gaming? You can tel I am kind of out to lunch on this age group the kids are still not talking to me much. They keep saying things like that it doesn't matter what I say because I will get rid of them soon too. Just like everyone elts. They have had 8 homes in their life already. Another issue is what about dating? The rule when I was growing up was I was not allowed to date until I was out of high school. I was too worried aboutg rades that I didn't care. They had no rules about this. The rules I set up was that they have to be in a public place with a group of friends or at home when I could be there and where I could see them. That is the big one they are fighting. |
| Posted by: My3LilMonkeys Jan 27 2011, 05:39 AM | ||
Gaming is playing video games - XBox, PS3, Wii, etc. I don't have teenagers yet, but I have 2 nephew who are 13 & 15 and I remember being a teenager and I think your rules on dating are spot on. They are 12 and 13 if I'm calculating right from your signature, yes? At that age I think supervision is absolutely necessary at all times - if you even allow them to date. Another suggestion I have - if you allow them to spend any amount of time at friend's houses (especially sleepovers) get to know the parents and their rules, and ask your kids about what's going on while they're away - who was there, what they did, etc. because chances are the kids will NEVER tell you what's going on if you don't. When I was 16-17 or so I used to spend at least one night a week at my best friend's house - her mom worked nights and left us alone, unsupervised, for 12 hours overnight, with access to a car - plus her boyfriend was living at her house for about 6 months or so. You can bet my mom never knew any of that - because she never bothered to ask what I was doing while I was there. |
| Posted by: Kelly Jan 27 2011, 06:02 AM |
| They are 15 and 14. I mistyped Jasons and Sarah was after Jason so you must have just assumed she was younger which she was. That is what I get for being over tired. That is what I thought gaming meant but I wanted to make sure. Think I will change my siggy to have their age instead. Thanks for the advice. |