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Parenting Club Forums > Parenting Your Teenager > defending themselves

Posted by: ashade75 May 2 2007, 11:26 AM

My daughter was in a fight at school yesterday. Another girl came up to her in the lunch room and punched her. My DD did fight back she was also suspended from school. The principal said that it was not her fault and she did not initiate it, but when they asked the girls to break it up my DD continued to fight back. I don't agree with fighting at all, I think she could have handled it better like get an adult involved, but I don't know if I should dicipline her for defending herself?? I do think she should be diciplined for not listening to the teacher who tried to break it up. I don't want her to think fighting is an ok way to handle things. Any idea on how to handle?? Parenting sure ins't getting any easier!!

Posted by: gr33n3y3z May 2 2007, 11:51 AM

QUOTE (ashade75 @ May 2 2007, 03:26 PM)

I don't know if I should dicipline her for defending herself?? I do think she should be diciplined for not listening to the teacher who tried to break it up.

heck no dont dicipline her for defending herself
but you can tell her there are other means of handling things even tho she didnt start it.

As for when the teacher tried to end the fight and she kept going she had so much anger in her she prolly didnt even notice it.

I will tell you this much your daughter will no longer be the punching bag at school now

Posted by: luvbug00 May 2 2007, 11:59 AM

QUOTE

heck no dont dicipline her for defending herself

i agree

Posted by: Calimama May 2 2007, 07:35 PM

I wouldn't punish her. I'd talk to her but nothing beyond that.

Posted by: hawkshoe Jun 8 2007, 05:48 AM

I would not discipline her either. She is getting punished enough by the school. I just hate it when people who are obviously defending themselves get punished. Were there other ways to handle this, yes and you should discuss the other options with your daughter. However, just put yourself in her shoes. If someone punched me, I am fairly certain, I would be hitting them back.

Posted by: jcc64 Jun 8 2007, 06:42 AM

I am a big believer in fighting back. Kids who initiate physical altercations often understand only one mode of communication, and that is force. Unfortunately, kids prey on what they perceive to be weakness, so I do believe that your dd did right by giving it right back. However, she does need to respect authority, and when the teachers came along, that would have been time to back down and cool off. I'd talk it out with her, role play, problem solve, but the punishment is coming from the school and she didn't ask for this to happen in the first place. I'd let it go after that.
And you're right, parenting at this age is a total minefield- I have a teenager too, and I'd give my eye teeth to be dealing with toddler problems!

Posted by: lisar Jun 8 2007, 07:15 AM

I agree with everyone. Dont punish her for defending herself. And as for not stopping when the teacher told them to I remember my adrenaline (sp?) would be pumping so fast I propably would have heard them.

Posted by: luvmykids Jun 8 2007, 07:44 AM

I agree with everyone else, especially because someone just walked up and punched her, it was probably a knee jerk reaction. It's different when there are verbal exchanges first and you have a chance to try to maintain your cool and walk away but it doesn't sound like she had that opportunity