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Parenting Club Forums > Parenting Your Teenager > Myspace

Posted by: Dr.SaraWard Feb 24 2006, 06:48 PM

I'm wondering if any parents here know or have hard about myspace.com? Its a site that allows its users to create their own blogs or something similar to blogs. You can post personal information, make friends, chat, post pictures, and a lot more. It is extremely popular among teenagers. I heard about it on the news, and it has already caused some problems. A few girls were stalked and victimized by predators who saw their profile on myspace.

I want parents to understand and know the dangers that exist today. Going online is similar to going out in the streets --anything can happen. Its amazing what kind of information kids give out online. You can even post your school name and and the city you live in!! Let's see: your picture + your school name + the city you live = DISASTER. If some predator was to study your picture and come by your school......that would be serious trouble.

My kids have expressed interest in using myspace, but I have told them to wait until I look at the site first. I need to make sure that I approve of it 100% before I allow them to use it. Its asinine to allow kids to do as they please. They can make some very, very poor choices. These choices can ultimately lead to a lot of consequences.

And its not just myspace. There are many sites similar to it. I can understand why many parents are not aware of it. I, too, wasn't aware of it until recently. Things are constantly changing and its hard to keep up with them.

I suggest that parents frequently check the profile of their children and make sure you approve of everything you see. If you feel like they are doing something they shouldn't --make them take it off. I have already told my daughter that she can NOT post any provocative pictures of herself. I am amazed at how many girls post pics of themselves in a bikini and many "sexy' poses. Not only does it attract unwanted attention, but a lot of impolite people will make rude comments. I also don't see why you need to post your school name. People that know you will already know what school you go to. It is not important to have some stranger in Indiana knowing what school your child attends.

I will stop rambling now and I hope it has given parents a little more insight into the constantly changing society that our children are faced with. Good Luck!!!

Dr. Sara J. Ward

Posted by: A&A'smommy Feb 24 2006, 06:51 PM

I know what it is and I use it but I don't put any personal information such as full name, city that I live in or anything like that.. I don't have a teenager so I'm not really sure how I would handle something like that but I would make sure there wasn't anything like that on there!

Posted by: MyLuvBugs Feb 24 2006, 07:19 PM

My husband uses it to keep in touch with some of his friends. However, when it comes to putting up pics of Lorelei, I'm VERY strict about what pictures he can put up there. I know his friends want to see her, but I just have a problem posting them on there.

Posted by: kimberley Feb 24 2006, 07:52 PM

my hubby uses it also for his band. i think it is just common sense that a parent monitor their child's computer usage and teach them net safety.

Posted by: redchief Feb 24 2006, 07:55 PM

Three of our four kids have myspaces. All are monitored by us, including the 21 year old's myspace (mostly we use his to make sure the Erin and John's myspaces are anonymous enough). We won't let Kaitlin have one yet. Lisa also has one and they're trying to talk me into it, but I don't have the time.

Posted by: C&K*s Mommie Feb 25 2006, 12:36 AM

QUOTE

I don't have a teenager so I'm not really sure how I would handle something like that but I would make sure there wasn't anything like that on there!

QUOTE

i think it is just common sense that a parent monitor their child's computer usage and teach them net safety.

Posted by: amynicole21 Feb 25 2006, 07:05 AM

I use it, and I agree that it can get out of hand if you aren't careful. It's good parenting sense to watch all computer usage by your kids VERY closely.

Posted by: My2Beauties Feb 28 2006, 01:56 PM

They were talking about this on the radio this morning, those poor girls that were stalked. Once Hanna gets of age to use the net, I will monitor the time she spends on it very closely and I probably won't put the 'puter in her room, it'll always be in the livingroom where anyone can see what she is doing at any given time.

Posted by: jcc64 Feb 28 2006, 02:23 PM

Here's a link with some helpful hints, though it was all pretty basic stuff:
http://www.wired.com/news/technology/0,70287-0.html?tw=wn_story_mailer

Btw, myspace's security staff is not quite as on top of it as they like to project. My ds, who does not have a page, has MANY friends, all of whom are 13, that use that site and simply lie about their ages. Hilariously, some of them list their actual birthdates, but then also list their age as 19 or 20. So this crack investigative team can't be watching TOO carefully.

Posted by: coasterqueen Feb 28 2006, 02:30 PM

QUOTE (jcc64 @ Feb 28 2006, 04:23 PM)

My ds, who does not have a page, has MANY friends, all of whom are 13, that use that site and simply lie about their ages. Hilariously, some of them list their actual birthdates, but then also list their age as 19 or 20.

That's too funny. Do they know that their dates don't add up? Kids are so funny!

edited because I didn't make sense.

Posted by: jcc64 Feb 28 2006, 02:45 PM

I pointed it out to Alec, and we both cracked up about it. But really, how can they prove how old these kids are? You are who you say you are. I can make myself a red hot DD 16 yr old blond- who's to know? God, if only things were that easy irl!

Posted by: luvbug00 Feb 28 2006, 02:55 PM

I have an account so does Brad. If mya was old enough we'd moniter it like crazy. I can find anyone on that thing so there is No way she can hide!

Posted by: coasterqueen Feb 28 2006, 02:56 PM

QUOTE (jcc64 @ Feb 28 2006, 04:45 PM)

Oh man, if it was.....

Ah too bad.

Posted by: kidsarecrazy Mar 16 2006, 03:09 PM

I know this topic has come up elsewhere, just wanted to add another article in case any moms or dads come across this thread when trying to read up on myspace: http://www.norwichbulletin.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060204/NEWS01/602040307/1002
A friend sent it along a few weeks and I think it has a good description of some of the issues you find on social networking sites...it also has links to sites like http://www.cybertipline.com and http://www.missingkids.com which have good resources on them.

How do you think these sites will evolve going forward? Do you think that all of the attention to them will result in changes as to how kids/teens use them?

Posted by: Cynda Mar 18 2006, 11:31 AM

my two teenagers have a myspace, but so do I ....they know I monitor theirs ALL THE TIME. The amusing thing is, alot of their friends have added me too. Guess they realize that means I can read their blogs too. I have twice, used the "mommy rule" to object to whats posted, and once, turned in the blog of a "friend" for posting inappropriate pictures. Myspace , Live Journal, Xanga, all the rest, are public blogs...that includes parents. Until they move out, their privacy is limited. Thats just the way it works while they're under our roof.

Posted by: mom89 Mar 29 2006, 04:49 PM

Yup I've heard of it. We've already dicussed this with dd and specifically told her NO blogs or anything. hopefully it will work.

Posted by: kidsarecrazy Mar 31 2006, 01:01 PM

Funny that their friends added you! I think what you are describing is a great attitude towards monitoring your kids online - keeping communication open, making a point when something you see makes you uncomfortable, etc. Between parents communicating with their kids and all of us looking out for kids online and reporting anything we see wrong to sites like cybertipline, I think we are well on our way to making the internet safer for kids and teens...

Posted by: mamaskin May 29 2006, 12:19 PM

Both our girls have myspace (as do my husband and I) the rules are this

1. we have to have your password and the ability to go on at anytime (this applies to email addresses and aim)

2. 20 minutes of myspace time a day. You would be amazed the kids who sit on it all day.

3. Any pictures etc that we deem not appropriate go instantly.

4. No full names or phone numbers etc.

There are more but my brain isnt functioning at the moment

Posted by: ithinkiminlabor May 30 2006, 06:57 PM

I don't have a teenager, but I've had a myspace since I was 15 (I'm 19 now) and thought I would share some of my insights.

Basically, my generation has had technological availabilities that previous generations didn't in the past. My friends and I are all computer geeks, and it was only natural for us to make friends over the internet (like we do on forums and messages boards). Myspace isn't a new concept, it was just a new way of networking socially on the internet. There's nothing wrong with creating a profile, posting a picture, listing your interests and chatting with people. It's when you get caught up in the popularity contest that it gets out of hand.

I know it sounds harsh, but if you ask any of your kids what a "myspace whore" is, I'm sure they could tell you. Myspace is a social outlet, a way of getting attention. It's all about the comments and the popularity of your page. A lot of kids are okay with not being cool, but some aren't. Some have to be the best, the prettiest, the skinniest, and myspace, much like high school, is just another way of making yourself appear better than someone else. That's where the corruption comes in, where perfectly innocent children with no ill-intentions are exposed to disgusting filth.

Girls who get picked up on myspace probably shouldn't be taking pictures that are aimed straight down their shirts, and they probably shouldn't be accepting friend request's from strange guys just to increase their number of friends (because the more friends you have, the cooler you are). There are even "whore trains" that work like spam to build up your number of friends. Pictures are taken at an elevated angle to make the face thinner (and so you can see down the girl's shirt). A lot of girls even take pictures of themselves in their underwear.

I was exposed to a lot of new things via myspace, I met a lot of new friends (some who were genuinally nice people, and some who just wanted a piece of ass). I was pretty much raped because of it. I mean, I let the guy come to my house and I said "yes" so I can't exactly charge him with anything, but he didn't stop when I told him to, and I contracted an STD. Although I can't blame myspace for that, I can only blame myself for not having the intelligence to be above the trend.

The bottom line is: is your child mature enough for myspace?

Of course it should be monitered by the parent. If my mom had been checking up on my myspace, I probably would have deleted it. It would have taken all the fun out of it for me. I never would have gotten hurt the way I did, but then again I never would of met some of the people who are my best friends now.

And one last thing... there is always the option of setting your profile to private. Set your birthday to 1991 so that your age is 14 (no matter how old you are) and then you set your account to "private" so that only approved users can view your page.

Posted by: ithinkiminlabor May 30 2006, 07:03 PM

Sorry about the 2nd reply, but I thought of another quick note.

You should NEVER put anything personal on the internet. It's public domain and if you type it, someone will read it. Naturally, you shouldn't air your dirty laundry all over your myspace.

My brother is a drug addict and it's obvious when you visit his myspace page. Meanwhile, my 13 year old nephew finds his uncle's myspace and starts asking questions about the content on it. Now basically my whole family knows about all the dangerous drugs he's been consuming because he was stupid enough to parade it around on his myspace.

Another example: My best friend and I found out that her husband was cheating on her during a deployment to Afghanistan, all information aquired from his (and the girl he was sleeping with's) myspaces.

ANYONE can access your myspace AT ANY TIME. My mother-in-law routinely checks mine, and if she see's anything she doesn't like, you can be sure I'm going to get a nasty phone call from her.

Posted by: Brias3 May 30 2006, 07:06 PM

QUOTE (ithinkiminlabor @ May 30 2006, 06:57 PM)

I don't have a teenager, but I've had a myspace since I was 15 (I'm 19 now) and thought I would share some of my insights.

Wow, I didn't think MySpace has been around for that long. I was watching a program talking about it the other night and I thought it stated it started in October of 2003- just about two and a half years ago.

Posted by: ithinkiminlabor May 30 2006, 07:14 PM

Alright, I might have been 16. I thought I was 15. I've had it since 2003 though, my friend used it for his band and convinced me to join up

Posted by: Brias3 May 30 2006, 07:20 PM

I don't know much about the site but I do know how dangerous the Internet can be and in my opinion, for anyone who is not the legal age of an adult, this whole site seems to spell "trouble". I guess I just can't see how kids being allowed to post such personal information could be safe in any way, especially with the access to that information being left open to anyone with Internet access, you know?

Posted by: mommycat2244 Jun 2 2006, 08:25 PM

I have one. And I agree with what Ithinkiminlabor had to say about the site. Anything that you post on there is public so it's virtually impossible for someone to not find you and find out anything about you that you've posted on there. Both of my parents have one as well. In fact, my stepmother uses it often to check her kids sites on there (ones 14 and the other is 19), and you better believe that if there's anything of a "questionable" nature they get an earful. In all honesty I wish the site was more geared towards adults that may just want to get in contact with old friends and meet new ones. Instead of children as young as 14 years old. Esspecially with all of the wackos out there trolling the site looking for young people to hurt. Heck, when my stepbrother first signed up on his he tried to put that he was 19 years old!!! My stepmother immediately got his password and changed that. Then he got his puter privileges taken away for awhile. Anyways, just thought that I would put my

into the whole myspace thing.

Posted by: momsboys Jun 10 2006, 09:23 PM

There is also a place called FACEBOOK.COM That is what my son uses that. I agree with mamaskin. I have the same rules for him. He is 15, lives under my roof and will go by my rules. My rules mean I have access to anything I chose or you don't have it. He is pretty smart and has no problems with me having access. When I had some problems with him, I just went in and changed his passwords and he was locked out. Needless to say, he straightened up (for a while).

I have been following the Dateline episodes about online predators and unfortunately it doesn't surprise me. This unfortunately has opened up a vast arena for the sickos of the world. We have to protect our kids with every fiber of our being.

Posted by: redchief Jun 11 2006, 09:52 AM

I too have finally succumbed to MySpace. I swear my daughter made me do it!

Posted by: maddie223 Aug 27 2006, 01:36 AM

yeah, it is really dangerous! you should also learn about Msn spaces, they are really bad too! I say, ban them in you're household.

2 of my friends are being stalked at the moment due to MSN spaces, so beware!

Posted by: AJDomagalla Sep 8 2006, 05:42 PM

My 11 year old daughter has myspace, and I have no problem with it. I've seen it, and she doesn't have personal information on it, so I'm ok with it.

AJ

Posted by: MotherForever2043 Nov 6 2006, 08:09 PM

I have a14 year old daughter. And she does not have a MySpace. I am so proud of her because EVERYONE in school has one and she doesn't. I never told her she couldn't have one, she just really doesn't want one.

Of course I'm not going to get into an argument with her about it.

Just a little less stress that I don't have to deal with. It's not that I don't trust her, it's that I don't trust the people on MySpace. When m,y yougest one (8) becomes a teen, I hope she'll be like her older sister.