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Parenting Club Forums > Parenting Children 8-12 Years of Age > Am I being too tough?

Posted by: MommyToAshley Oct 27 2010, 08:28 AM

Ashley has to wear her school vest every Wednesay to school. She lost it twice last year and I bought another one for her. Her name is in the inside but it was never returned to her. She lost it again this year and I told her that she had to use her allowance money to pay to replace it because she needs to be more responsible. I feel badly for her because she has been saving a long time for a game she wants and this is going to take all her savinges (the vest is $27). I think she needs to be more responsible and pay for it herself, but I can't help but to feel bad that this is going to take most of her savings. Am I being too tough?

Posted by: coasterqueen Oct 27 2010, 08:55 AM

I don't think so! I'd do the same thing. I don't know what it is about this age, but I know Kylie is so "flighty" these days. She forgets everything. She's left her homework, folder, lunch boxes, jackets at school many times. One time she kept telling me she gave me her lunch box and I was the one who lost it. I told her she didn't and she better find it or she was going to be grounded, because I was upset she kept accusing me and not listening to me tell her she never gave it to me. She ended up finding it, thanks to her sister who helped her look at school. Then Kylie tried to blame it on the boy in her class who picks up the lunch boxes for everyone. My guess is she may not be looking hard enough for the vest and maybe, just maybe telling her she's going to have to pay for it herself may get her to look harder for it and she might just find it. That's just a guess. I know right now Kylie says she looks for things, but my gosh they could be right in front of her and the girl doesn't see it. They need a little threatening motivation to get them going sometimes.

Posted by: luvbug00 Oct 27 2010, 09:36 AM

not at all. mya does this all the time and i say loose it once then ok I understand. But the second and third time, she has to get it herself. we arent money trees and although she knows, it's time they can start learning some responsibility for their things. I think you are right. stick to your guns (even though it is hard to do.)

Posted by: PrairieMom Oct 27 2010, 10:01 AM

Nope. Esp. if you already told her she was going to have to buy it herself. YOu can't go back on it now. I would just give her lots of extra opportunities to earn a little extra $ in the near future so she can earn it back quickly. FWIW, I do the exact same thing. I just made Ben pay me $3 the other day to replace the parm. cheese he dumped out all over his sisters dinner plate.

Posted by: mom21kid2dogs Oct 27 2010, 10:19 AM

If you are, I'm way worse. Olivia took her nintendo to Washington DC and it got broken by another kid on the bus. She had to use her 1st Communion money to buy a new one or live without it. Nobody replaces my stuff for free so I don't replace hers, either. FWIW, now that Olivia has a paper route and earns plenty of mad cash (after she pays her cell phone bill and puts half in the bank) I've let her see just how expensive life can be. Last weekend she wanted to invite an extra friend to Boo at the Zoo. We told her we'd pay for the one friend we had staying over but she had to pay for any additional. Her friend was over 10 so she had to pay the $13 for her admission. It's a good lesson that nothing in life is free. Who knows . . . .she might just end up being a responsible adult! How refreshing!!

Posted by: lisar Oct 27 2010, 11:44 AM

I dont think your being to tough. I would be upset about it to and in the end I would probably buy the game for my kids, but I would wait till christmas or a birthday or something. But Lexi forgets her lunch box all the time at school, so I will make her buy her own lunch the next day. She has to take her own money and lunch is $2.00 she hates it. But I tell her not to forget her lunchbox and I will make her lunch. The other thing we do with her is on her report card A's and B's we pay her C's is nothing but if she ever does get a D or an F she has pay us. She has only had A's and B's but she knows the rule on that.

Posted by: my2monkeyboys Oct 27 2010, 12:00 PM

I think you made a very wise decision. That's how they learn to be responsible. I say Good Job Mom!!!

Posted by: amymom Oct 27 2010, 01:53 PM

As hard as it is, I do not think you are being too tough on her. Keep it up! It is hard tho, I know.

Posted by: MyBlueEyedBabies Oct 27 2010, 02:41 PM

Im another one who makes her kids pay. Katy has broken two and lost two pairs of glasses in the last year so she has to pay for the replacement. $145 is what the last pair cost after insurance so she is paying us half of her allowance and any other money she gets until it is paid off.

Posted by: msoulz Oct 27 2010, 02:59 PM

Not too tough at all. I know money isn't everything, but it does come in handy as a teaching tool now and then!

Posted by: MommyToAshley Oct 28 2010, 03:29 AM

QUOTE (coasterqueen @ Oct 27 2010, 12:55 PM) I don't think so! I'd do the same thing. I don't know what it is about this age, but I know Kylie is so "flighty" these days. She forgets everything. She's left her homework, folder, lunch boxes, jackets at school many times. One time she kept telling me she gave me her lunch box and I was the one who lost it. I told her she didn't and she better find it or she was going to be grounded, because I was upset she kept accusing me and not listening to me tell her she never gave it to me. She ended up finding it, thanks to her sister who helped her look at school. Then Kylie tried to blame it on the boy in her class who picks up the lunch boxes for everyone. My guess is she may not be looking hard enough for the vest and maybe, just maybe telling her she's going to have to pay for it herself may get her to look harder for it and she might just find it. That's just a guess. I know right now Kylie says she looks for things, but my gosh they could be right in front of her and the girl doesn't see it. They need a little threatening motivation to get them going sometimes. She never brought it home from school, and I went to the school with her and helped her to look in her classroom and in the lost in found... no vest. Ashley is just like Kylie too. She can remember word for word something that was said five years ago. She can memorize her spelling words and facts for a test in one day or remember the color of shirt someone was wearing to a birthday party a year ago. But, for some reason, she can't remember to bring her water bottle, lunch box, or coats home. She usually has a pile of coats at school -- her teacher probably thinks she's moving in. It's not just school either, in soccer, she was always the one who had to run back to the field and get her water bottle because she left it on the sideline. LOL

Posted by: MommyToAshley Oct 28 2010, 03:30 AM

Thanks everyone for your input and support. Sometimes I feel like the mean mommy, and it helps to get a little reassurance.

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