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Parenting Club Forums > Parenting Children 8-12 Years of Age > 11 year old dating?!?

Posted by: msoulz Mar 5 2010, 05:40 PM

So my son tells me today that his friend Joey is "going out with" a girl in class on Sunday, they are going to the mall. The girl's "much older sister", like a junior in high school, is going to tak them.

And it gets better ... He tells me that Joey is going to invite him and that Jake wants to bring a girl with him!!!!!!!!!!!!

And is that OK?

I am very proud of myself. See, Jake doesn't talk to me much about stuff, just to his dad, and when he wants something he usually goes to DH because he says yes more than I (mean mom!). So I just asked what they would do at the mall and he said I don't know, I'll take some money and maybe buy something. I told him we would talk about it if it comes to pass.

So he calls the girl and then tells me he thinks she can go. She calls back apparently inquiring if it is going to be a group of people. And then he says he's not sure he is going to go anyway.

Did I mention he is 11???? And in 5th grade?????

I wouldn't let him go by himself to the mall, or with a friend yet!! What makes these kids think we would just turn them loose?

Dh agrees. We shall see. Any thoughts are appreciated!!

Posted by: luvbug00 Mar 5 2010, 06:02 PM

reality is kids are doing lots of things earlier then when we were younger. I mean I never went out even out group things till I was at least 13.

I know mya sees kids 11-13 at the mall without parents and i told her to dream on! Not happening. Maybe at 12-13 with all girls and older sibling chaperone but not alone and NOT with boys.

Posted by: kimberley Mar 5 2010, 06:31 PM

both my boys have "dates" with female friends and they are almost 12 and 13. I personally still consider it a playdate, but there is always parental supervision. they have gone paintballing, the movies, church functions, hang out at each others houses'.... i hope they remain good friends.

as for being alone at the mall... not sure about that. my 13yo is allowed to go to the warhammer store on his own for a couple of hours but he also knows he is not to leave the store and when he's done to call us. go with ur gut... if u don't trust the other kids, don't allow it.

Posted by: msoulz Mar 6 2010, 07:41 AM

That is basically what DH and I discussed; if there is parental supervision, then OK. But what got me was "Joey is going out with Sophia"...

However, when DH asked about it this morning Jake said they weren't going, DH asked why and Jake said "Do we have to talk about it? It's Joey's business." So DH said no, we don't have to talk about it and dropped it. I told Jake later I thought it was a group thing, not a Joey thing, and he said it was a group thing. He didn't seem terribly disappointed, and based on his comments about not sure he is going to go, that makes some sense. Perhaps he wanted to be included but was a bit uncomfortable.

I think that he is getting interested but doesn't quite know what to do about it yet. Joey has a 16 year old sister and middle school brother so either he is observing or being coached and bringing Jake along for the ride - that is my feeling anyway. But I could be totally wrong!!

All I know is this is just the beginning of the independence stage ... and it makes me sad in a way.

Posted by: boyohboyohboy Mar 6 2010, 03:27 PM

I am extremely protective and honestly with all the kids, preteen and older lately on the news being taken away by child preditors, I cant see myself letting my tween go..

I know the day will come when I need to let go a little more, but I also think its totally individual by maturity more then age.

Posted by: msoulz Mar 6 2010, 04:27 PM

QUOTE (boyohboyohboy @ Mar 6 2010, 07:27 PM)

ITA with you completely, Stacy. No matter the maturity, in my book, 11 is too young to be out and about unsupervised in that environment. His buddy is really not the most mature kid, he is the class clown type, and Jake's maturity lacks substantially also. I don't worry so much about predators but rather kids doing stupid stuff or just being loud and goofy and getting themselves in trouble.

I have a sneaking suspicion that Joey and the other girl dreamed up this scenario and the parents reacted just like we are and slammed down the entire idea. Jake still isn't talking about it...but that is typical for him.